Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall.

Does anyone know what it feels like to feel the color running out of your face? Like, when people say "oh, you're as pale as a ghost" or something. Is it possible to feel that happen? Well, I think so. I've been feeling it a lot lately. I'm erupting with a lot of feelings I don't necessarily want. I don't know why anyone would. To learn from this? I guess. I've learned a whole, whole lot. Enough to change? I don't know.
A recent string of activities have caused me to look a lot to the future and think. I've been thinking a lot about baby names, which doesnt really mean anything because I DONT want kids right now and I'll probably end up changing my mind before I do. The weird thing is, a lot of them start with 'P'- Piper, Peter if its a boy. I still haven't really signed up for Americorps yet and I know I really should. In my head I just want to do it. Just get it fucking done with. I've also been looking at the courses at USC. I dont think I can get in though. My SAT scores are the only thing I have going for me.
It reminds me a lot of in The Devil Wears Prada the movie, Andy is talking about how her personal life is hanging by a thread. And Nigel says "Join the club. ... that means its time for a promotion". That's an awful comparison, but I'm doing so well in school. I have close to a 90 average. And I keep getting those stupid stars on my locker at work. I guess they're not so stupid because they're for good things I do.
I don't know what I want. I guess now I'm seeing the direct purpose of "life". That "life" that everyone's always talking about. I've never really, truly known until now. I hate it.

Ahh, "i am sweeping that girl off her feet when i come home". I think thats the cutest thing I've heard all week. I'm so jealous :/

I'm sick of you already.

Time to clean.