I know I'm not a part of your life anymore, but that's okay. There's so many things I want to say to you but I'm afraid of losing you, but I know it won't be my fault if you're lost. I just picked a best friend who doesn't feel the same way. I'm just someone to call if everyone else is busy.
I miss being the first one you would talk to if you were bored and we would just ride around. Your're too concerned about making new friends and impressing people. But I wish I was still a part of your group because I've never laughed harder with anyone else. Honestly though, I'd rather be alone then have to put up with this. It makes me sick to my stomach because I don't have anyone else left.
I've realized that I've grown into an extraordinarily angry person. Everything makes me cry and I find problems with everything in my life. It's a terrible thing but nothing seems to make me happy anymore.
I never get what I want, as selfish as that sounds, but I feel restricted and like I'm walking on eggshells constantly.
I was told this week that I was the 2nd biggest failure in my family, in between a bi-polar cousin who attacked her mom and one of my parent's dyslexic cousins. At first I wanted to think it wasn't true but ever since it was said to me, I've concluded that it is. And I wonder what things would be like without me.
Maybe I could just run away. No one would miss me here.
This is getting really angsty and stupid now. I've just been really struggling lately.
1 comment:
Here's a little excerpt I wrote once about who I'm going to assume you're talking about:
"Lemony is one of those people who will do things with other people just because they are doing it. She wants to be everything that everyone else is. That's why she's always up for anything and doing dumb shit for attention, she wants to be more than she is capable of being. Hannah calls it crazy, but I call it stupid. Lemony is Jacki from That 70's Show. Blind to people, aware to objects and public opinion."
leM doesn't know that the way she acts drives people away from her. She's not going anywhere in the road she's on. She needs to buck up and get her shit straight, beacause lying to herself and pushing herslef upon people is getting her nowhere.
Honestly, there's might have even been a time when I was into leM, but she blows it when the good things are right in front of her.
You're not a failure. To be honest, you're not a failure until you are living on the streets. What does your mother do with her life? If you're feeling ballsy,shoot that one at her and if she can't respond with a legitimate answer, call her worthless. I did that to Rita and she stopped dead in her tracks for the last 4 months or so. She didn't even tell my dad. There's a chance it might get you in trouble, so only use it as a last resort. Maybe it won't help, but it worked for me.
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