I'm so much older then I can take, and my affection, well it comes and goes.

I'm grounded on this three day weekend, and it sucks. It's already Saturday afternoon and it's not as terrible as I thought it was going to be. Yesterday I got to see Kara after school until around 5, and my youngest sister had her birthday party today. I was supposed to go and help, but the people at the gym ended up running the whole thing. So I just got to sit around and eat and jump on the trampolines. Tonight, one of my sisters is going to another birthday party and the other is going to a Girl Scout camp, so it's just me and my mom. I'm kinda happy because we haven't really hung out in a while. We're going shopping then to a movie. We haven't really been getting along lately so hopefully today will be nice. I always like just stopping and talking to my mom, because she can give pretty good advice because she's been through a lot.
This week has been...a whirlwind to say the least. Monday was really stupid, and it opened my eyes to a lot about people I know. Not in a good way. I had my first therapy session with my new therapist, and I really liked it. He's a lot smarter and realistic and understanding then my last one. Then Tuesday was awful. I had a parent/teacher confrence with my mom, dad, and 8 teachers. I don't even want to talk about it. It was terrible. The confrence is the reason I'm grounded this weekend. I have some missing assignments in a class, so my parents weren't too happy. The rest of the week was just...there. Everything just kind of dragged on and I was ready for it to be over. No one was in a good mood because it seems that no one has really been happy with anything lately.
People are breaking up, fighting, and doing illegal substances everywhere. It seems like that's all anyone does anymore. I don't like it, probably because it's everywhere I go and all everyone talks about. I'm glad none of it is happening to me, but it's happening to my friends. I hope that it's just a phase and all the people I know will be happy again. And we can have a nice, fun, sober time together.
It's like a plauge. Almost everyone I know has gotten into something I don't agree with. It probably stands out more to me because I've never done anything like that, and I don't want any of my close friends to do that. But it just seems like it's everywhere, and I'm kind of afraid that if everyone talks and does it enough, the people I have left will get sucked into it too. I really don't want that and it scares me.
I dunno, I think the weather today goes along with my mood. It rained a couple hours ago but it's still all overcast and cold. I'm sick of all the people who are fighting with their girlfriends for no reason, saving up all their money during the week so they can smoke on the weekends, and the people who don't have anything else to talk about besides stuff like that. It's driving me crazy. I want everything to be cool again.

I need to take a shower.
I'm excited to buy new panties today. I need new, more exciting ones.

Things

are really bad right now.
:/

And they don't seem like they're changing anytime soon.
I feel like throwing up.

I wish I had the guts to run away.

I could get lost in a voice like yours.

Yesterday was my favorite day of the new year, not counting New Year's Eve. I loved every part of it.
I don't know what else to write about besides that. I don't want to explain too much in case my mom reads through this again...
Not that I did anything bad that I would never tell my parents, but it was just really special to me and I really liked it. I hope the people who spent it with me know how great they are and how much they mean to me.
Wow, this is getting really gushy and stupid. But yesterday was really nice and I think I kinda needed it. I haven't been feeling too well lately and yesterday was just kind of refreshing. It made me appreciate things again and makes me confident in...living? i don't know if that makes sense, but I don't feel stupid or useless or like I'm worthless anymore. I feel like a good friend and girlfriend and that I can move on with my life, even with all this stupid stuff that's been going on lately.

Kara and I have been now going out for a year and two days,
and I really couldn't be happier. I hope we can have more days like yesterday because I can't stop thinking about it.
It's like, my mom wants me to take down the Christmas tree? That's okay because yesterday was so cool.
I love my girlfriend and my friends and good times like this weekend has been.

I need a haircut.
Maybe I'll get one after my first appointment with this new therapist tomorrow.
Bleh :/

I need to get off the computer though.

Its not who or what you know because you’re better with nothing at all.

I feel good today. Things have been weird lately, and I say "weird" because they're neither good nor bad. Well, they have good moments and bad moments. It's very hard to explain. The bad moments have multiplied recently because...I don't know. But my parents have decided that it's that time of the month to get angry at me. This happens periodically and it's always the same routine. They're like "YOU'RE STUPID AND TOO MUCH FOR US TO HANDLE, WE'RE SENDING YOU TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL SO ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS WILL BE SOLVED!" and I'm like "NO! I hate you guys I hate my life I'm going to kill myself," and my mom's like "ARGGG, MY BLOOD PRESSURE, can you make some cinnamon rolls?" and everything seems to be okay now. My mom's fine this morning, but she had a complete meltdown yesterday. Apparently her blood pressure is going to make her die soon, and it's all my fault. She went beserk in front of me and my little sisters, like literally BESERK, and got my sister's and I really upset. It was scary, but she was cool by the time I called her a couple hours later.
That brings me to the good moments I had Friday and Saturday. Friday I had school, but it was a good school day. My days at school usually depend on whether I'm looking forward to something that's happening after school is over. I definitely was excited on Friday. Melanie and Kara picked me up and we went to B&N with Gage. There we waited for Cody Y., and while we waited, we hung out with Terry and Hannah. It was fun, but we had to leave after a while. From there, I don't really remember what else we did. But it was fun. I liked Friday and I'm glad my mom let me stay out.
Saturday was cool. I wasn't allowed out until 3 for some reason, but Kara and Melanie came over because I was really upset. They couldn't stay though because it was only 1:30, and I wasn't allowed to see anyone until 3, but they came and picked me up when it was okay for me to leave. We went to Cody Y.'s band practice for me to take some pictures of them. That was soo much fun. I love the music their band plays and they're all so nice. We made pizza and took pictures and listened to them play, but we had to leave after a while because we had to get ready for the movies. So we dropped off the film at Walgreens and went back to Melanie's house. We hung there for an hour or so, then went up to Bluffton to meet Alex M., Van, Terry, Haley,Gage, Alex W., and Cody for dinner. We were going to eat at Outback, but the wait was ridiculous and everyone wanted Asian food. So we went to Kobe's. Dinner was cool and we all laughed a lot. Everything else for the rest of the night was great until about 11:30. I had to call my parents when we were coming home, and they said I had to go right home when we got there. I managed to push it until 12, but it was still pretty lame. I had a lot of fun all day but I hope next weekend is better.


Kara and I's one year anniversary is on Friday. Terry was super nice and gave a toast to us for it. It made me blush, but Terry is a good friend and that was really nice of him to do. For Friday, I wish I was creative enough to plan something fun and unique, but I'm not. I think we're just going to my house and watching the sunset. But come on, that's so typical and cliche. I want to come up with something that commemorates and shows her how much she means to me. Maybe I'll think of something, but I'm still really looking forward to Friday.

I've got to end this.
I have more important things to do.

'Cuz I've seen it before and I don't care anymore.

So, I feel like I'm about to throw up. Today was not good. This year started out so great, and it's slowly but steadily going downhill. I found out a lot of things in the past 2 days. For one, school is starting on Monday and it's 10pm on Saturday. This break was nice around Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday but other then that, it was one of the worst vacations I've had in a while. I missed Kara a lot and I cried a couple times because everything seemed so overwhelming, but I made it through that. She finally came home on Wednesday and New Year's and the day after were so much fun. My mom was bugging the shit out of me, but it didn't really matter after she got back. I was just glad to have her there with me.
Friday was cool, but my mom told me something that really really bothers me. I have a trust-fund that my grandpa has kept for me since I was born. There's a lot of money in there, I don't know how much exactly, but they put in a certain amount of money each month. My mom told me yesterday that he's stopped putting in money for the past couple months because my grades are so bad. I don't care that the money isn't going in there; I have more then enough to get me into college. I just don't like that my grandpa felt the need to do that to me. He stopped putting money into my cousin's fund when she went nuts and tried to kill her parents a couple years ago. They sent her off to this rehab thing like on that show Brat Camp, and she got held back in high school for it. She wasn't doing well to begin with, especially because she was skipping school and doing drugs all over the place, but it wasn't until after she got back did they cut the funds. So great, I'm grouped in with the psycho, bi-polar 20 year old in my grandpa's eyes. My mom made me feel so bad about that. Like that there was no hope for me and I was being shunned from my family. I got over it though and tried to have fun for the rest of the day.
Today really made me lose it. Kara came over because we hadn't been alone since she got back from Cali. It was supposed to be really nice; we were just gonna sit around and watch movies like we used to. I was really excited and even came home early from Melanie's house just to hang out with her. Everything was cool until we started getting call after call after call from someone. She already said that morning that she couldn't hang out with this person today, but they still felt the need to fucking call every ten minutes. They called at the worst times and they were always interrupting something. She even turned off her phone, but they called again in the first five minutes it was back on. It was so stupid because we were both getting so upset, so I finally picked up before Kara was about to leave. I ended up getting hung up on, and I kept bawling until a long time after Kara left. It wasn't that I got hung up on, or they kept interrupting the good time I was having with my girlfriend, or that my girlfriend got more upset then I have ever seen her; it's just the way things were handled. I was called rude for asking what the hell they wanted, and it was made out like I did something wrong.

I'm done. I have a science project to do.

So sway, you know you taste so good.

Woo! First blog of 2009. How weird.
So the past 2 days have been so good. I went camping with my family but yesterday after I got back, I jumped in the shower quickly and went to Melanie's to pick up Karaaaa! Because she's home now and I am so so happy about it. So we went to her house and picked her up, and went to Fiesta Fresh for food and the party store to get decorations for Mel's party that night. It was New Year's, so yeah. They didn't have any decorations left because they were sold out since it was New Year's Eve Day and all. But it was cool because Melanie ended up making some pretty sweet signs out of lined paper.
So, we went back to Melanie's and sat around waiting for people to get there. We got home around 6 and the party wasn't supposed to start until 8, but some people came early and it was a lot of fun.
The party was great. I loved every second of it. Except for when my mom called and decided to check in on us (wtf?), but it was cool because after seeing how chill it was, she trusts me now. I spent the whole night next to Kara, just chilling and talking to people. It was a really nice time and I hope to have more nights like that before the break is over.
Around 3 is when everyone cleared out, so we cleaned her dad's house and went over to my place. My parents let Kara and Melanie sleep over, so we slept in the trailer we took camping. It was fun, but I didn't really get to sleep until I moved from the queen bed where Melanie and Kara were sleeping to one of the bunk beds. I was really uncomfortable. Kara came and layed with me when she woke up though, and we layed there for almost an hour waiting for Melanie to wake up. That was my 2nd favorite part of the past 2 days.
We didn't get out of the house until around 3 because there was a cookout at Jarvis Creek Park they were invited to. It was fun because I guess they're annual, but I've never been able to make it to one. It was soooo cold though.
We met up with Blake and Alex there, and it was really nice because I thought one of them hated me. I won't say which one, but it doesn't really matter anyway. I don't think they do anymore...?
So we went to I-hop to eat, but they were closed. Then to Street Meet but they were closed. Everything was freakin' closed for the new year, but I liked what we ended up doing instead. Melanie, Kara, and I stopped by Publix to get spaghetti fixings and went to my house to cook. Melanie left in the middle of it, but it was still pretty fun. It was just chill.
I'm really happy with how the last 48 hours have gone. Theres only 3 more days left of break and I hope they're worth-while. I'm sure they will be though since I have my girl and my best friend back here with me, and things are really good right now.
2008 was a ridiculous year. I loved a lot of it, but there's a lot of things I would like to forget.
I just hope 2009 is as memorable. I guess we'll have to see :)

I'm gonna go. My little sisters reserved 5 cupcakes from a batch they made today just for me, and I plan on eating them all tonight.
Ugh, I'm such a pig.