I love you so much that it hurts my head, I don't mind you under my skin.

So I deleted my last post because it was so unbelievably stupid. It was just about how sad I was and how much I miss Kara. It was kinda pathetic, and I'm cool now.

Something I mentioned on there was about how my mom found my blog. She read it and decide to root through my purse and room and stuff 2 mornings in a row. I woke up both times though, and she was like "Oh, your sister is missing her jeans", and left. But I talked to her about it yesterday and this morning, and she said she was looking for a flask or something because I AM SUCH A DRINKER. She was referring to my Halloween post about how I had my first hangover and stuff, but HELLOOOO "first hangover". Just think about it. I'm not some crazy kid that drinks all the time.
And she found cigarettes in my purse. They weren't mine though, they were Nick Hottie Heitman's, and he gave them to me because he didn't want them anymore. I didn't smoke them though. I'm too lame and apparently I look like a little kid if I try to do it. Smoking is gross and turns your teeth yellow. There's no way I'm messing up my teeth.
Anyway, we talked it over and things are all good. I still miss Kara like crazy right now. It's the worst. I feel like I haven't seen her in forever, but she comes back in six days, which means that we've already made it through seven days. Today is my family's Christmas party though, and freaking 50 people are coming. That's a lot of people to entertain. Last year, I just hung around with Melanie and brought people their drinks. This year, Melanie isn't coming but my mom thinks my old friends Martha and Brianna are. I don't know though.
So what I'm saying is; the next two days are going to go by quickly because it's Christmas and we're having a party and stuff. So then it will only be 4 days until I see Kara. Then I have a date with my pal Timmy on the 27th and I'm suuuuper looking forward to that. Then I don't know what I'm going on the 28th, 29th, and 30th, but hopefully something fun.
This break hasn't been as awful as I've made it seem to be. Really the only things are missing Kara so much and getting in trouble with my mom. Other then that, I've liked all the people I got to chill with and I've had a good time. And this break isn't even over yet. I just can't wait until the 31st though, oh my gosh.

I need to go. People are gonna be here in 4 hours -_o
blehhhh.

I miss you.

"To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you"

Ahh, I hate Incubus. This song was on my Windows Media Player and it made me cry :(
SKJGF;SDLJGFLKSDFAMSKMFASDF

My mom just got done lecturing me about how my life is a waste. This is the second time she's used that wording with me, and it gets me really upset. Like, how is my life a waste? Her saying that means that if I died no one would care. I don't make an impression on anybody. And the worst part is, it makes me think. What if that's true. I have Kara and Melanie. What else have I done? I don't do anything. I don't have this overflowing social life where people are just waiting to hang out with me. And my grades are terrible. And I don't do any clubs or sports. Maybe I could die and only 2 people would really be affected by it. I don't want to die because I love my life, I just wish I could live it in peace. It's Winter Break, so I thought school stuff wouldn't be talked about. But no, my girlfriend's away and my mom is bugging the shit out of me, so this is the worst I've felt in a long time.
The next 10 days are gonna be the longest ever. I'm dreading it, but I know things will be better when she gets back. I feel bad because maybe I put too much pressure on her or I get overly dependent on her, but she makes me so happy. I know she's the one thing that will brighten up my day, and my day really needs to be brightened up right now.

Melanie should call me soon. I want some pancakes.

I'm so iconoclastic; I'm clastic! I only want you to think I'm fantastic.

So, it's the second day of winter break. Yesterday was Friday and the first day of break. Kara's in California and it sucks. She's visiting her dad and step-family, but I got to talk to her a little today on the phone. I miss her like crazy.

So Thursday after school was nice. My mom picked me up and I ran a few errands with her. At 5:30 though, I met up with Melanie and we chilled with Garrett Burke. We got some pizza from Mellow Mushroom and went shopping afterwards. We had to get outfits for our friend Lindsey's party that was yesterday. Anyway, that was fun because Melanie tried on shiny orange pants and stuff, and we both got cute things. I don't think Garrett likes shopping very much though.
After shopping, we dropped Garrett off and went back to Melanies. There I spent the night, which was cool. When we woke up, I talked to Kara a little bit on the phone, but then we decided to go to Arby's. We didn't actually go to Arby's though. We went to Panera Bread. It was yummy. I got soup.
We had to be home by 4 to get home for the party. So we got all ready and went to pick up Desirée and Anna. That was so fun, we got to scream Jonas Brothers songs and get lost on Bluffton Parkway. When we finally got to the party, not a lot of people were there, but lots showed up after a while. There was lots of dancing and food and stuff, and I had a lot of fun. My feet are killing me though and I smelled like cigarettes :/ It's disgusting.

I miss Kara a lot. It's harder then I thought it would be. I feel stupid because it's only the 3rd day, but she's gone for 12 days and these days have dragged on for what seems like forever. I've been wanting a good, solid Kara hug for the past 72 hours and I won't be able to get one for the next 249. It's stupid. I don't think I've ever wanted a hug this bad in my life.
I guess I should go. I need to shower. My mom dragged me to this Christmas party out in the middle of nowhere and I smell like 15 wet dogs because the lady we visited had 15 wet dogs. Ewww, urg.
This was a short one. I'll write more later.

Lullabies, look in your eyes, run around the same old town.

Well, it's been a really long time since I've blogged. So much has happened. I got back from New York a week ago, but it seems like it's been months. The Sunday I got back, Kara and Melanie were planning to take me out to dinner but my parents said "no" and it was this whole big thing. It was disappointing because I had missed those girls all week, but I still got to spend Monday after school with them. That was fun. We went to Kroger to grocery shop. It was definitely more exciting then it sounds.
Tuesday was the worst day ever. I got grounded for an e-mail my Chemistry teacher sent to my parents. I guess I got a 42 on the last test. The class average on the test was a 50 though, so I used that as a bargaining chip to go out this weekend. I'm so so glad my parents let me, because yesterday was really fun. I spent the night at Melanie's on Friday because my mom had her entire Girl Scout troop spend the night. There was no way I was staying there with a ton of little 12 year olds screaming through my house.
Anyway, I went to Melanie's and we made spaghetti. It was undercooked but it's all good. We also watched The Clique, which is a terrible movie about a bunch of spoiled 7th graders. I liked it. When we woke up in the morning, my mom wanted me to come home, shower, and "check in" before I went out for the day. It was kinda pointless, but it only took an hour or so before I was out of the house again. From there, Melanie and I picked up Kara and we went to Main Street. My mom wanted me to stop by there because I guess this artist lady was going portraits for $50 at some studio. We waited around there for about an hour for her to get it done. That was the lamest part of the day.
After that we made our way to Bluffton to pick up our friend Aaron. He wanted to try these wings he heard about at this restaurant out in Beaufort. Apparently there so hot, you have to sign a waver just to get them. It took almost an hour to get there and we didn't even get the hot wings. We got to the place, and it took forever to get served, and it seems like they kept giving us excuses on why we couldn't get them. So we didn't. We just got french fries and this lemon thing and left for the island again.
After we dropped off Aaron, we went to Mr. Garrett Burke's house to pick him up. Oh, he is too much fun. We picked up his adorable girlfriend Anna too, and we went to Giuseppe's for dinner. We ate pizza and stuff, but didn't really know what to do afterwards. We decided on going to T-J Max and trying on ridiculous outfits. That was a ton of fun. Kara and Garrett didn't join us though because they're party poopers.
After that, we went to Melanie's house. There, we played hide and seek and Wii, and I got to cuddle with Kara on Melanie's couch. Gage came over after a while, which was cool. I had to leave at 10:30, and by then everyone else had gone home too. When Melanie got back from driving Kara home, she came over and spent the night. We watched Lords of Dogtown and Degrassi, and ate Scooby Doo Mac n'Cheese.
It was a fun time and I'm so glad my parents let me out of the house. Oh, and I got my braces off on Wednesday :) I'm so happy. I'm just happy in general. I don't want to get grounded ever again. I seriously need to buckle down with my schoolwork.

For now though, I just love my friends. I think this next week should be really good.
Knock on wood.
Christmas is in 18 days, but Kara is leaving before that. I'm gonna miss her, but after she get's back,
neither of us should be going anywhere for a while. I hate missing her when one of us leaves for vacation. We'll always be here for each other though, I know that.
I want an I-pod and a trampoline for Christmas.

And my family's having a party on Christmas Eve. Anyone's invited. I'm sure it will be like last year, but I just hope Melanie's dad doesn't have sex on my bathroom counter again.

I'm gonna go eat :) <3

Would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free?

Today is Monday and tomorrow I'm getting on a plane and flying up north for Thanksgiving. I'm not dreading like I have with other vacations but I'm going to miss my girlfriend so so much. I hate even having to think about it. I got to see her for 2 hours after school let out today, but I'm not sure how to feel after it's all over and I'm not going to see her for 5 days. It's really awful leaving someone you're in love with for a long time. I'm just counting down the days until I can see her, and I can't wait to maybe meet her grandpa. I'm going to Corning again where our families grew up. It's nice up there and it's going to be snowing. I just wish I could take her with me. She's the best.

Friday was good. I met with Kara after school, and Alex took us to rent movies at Blockbuster. We got 28 Weeks Later and Garden State, both good movies. Satuday was okay. I cried in front of Kara because my mom was being a bitch, like usual. I spent the day with her though, which I always love doing. It ended on a bad note because I struggled with some things I haven't thought about in a really long time, and I really thought things couldn't get any worse. They definitely didn't though. I feel so stupid thinking the way I did that night. It was terrible.
Sunday is really only day worth mentioning, because it's the only time that stands out in my mind as being amazing. From start to finish, it was great. I woke up early and got ready for I-Hop with Kara and Alex. I thought when I left that eating and going home would be all I was doing, but I was pleasantly suprised to be wrong. Cody met us at I-Hop and sucked up our leftovers. I had chocolate chip pancakes, but barely finished them because they were so sweet. Then Kara, Alex, and I went to the Humane Society to waste some time before I went home. That was the third part of my day. We played with cats and dogs, even though Kara has an allergic reaction to the cats. Theres this Jack Russel Terrier mix named Benson I really want to adopt, but my mom claims my dog Charlie fights with other dogs too much. I don't think that's true. Anyway, that was really nice. We plan on going again sometime.
Next we went to my house. Theres never anything to do there so we boiled some water, made some hot coca, and parked in an empty lot near the ocean in my neighborhood. Security told us to leave but that was okay, because that made us move on to my favorite part of the weekend. We decided to go to the neighborhood dock to chill. Cody popped up and came with us, and it was really nice. It was cold but the sun was out and we all had blankets. It was nice to just lay there in the sun with my best friends (minus one). I was truly happy and I never wanted to go home.
Sadly, we all had to go our seperate ways after a while. I was okay with it though because that day was so great. My mom didn't even yell at me when I got home. I just had a really really good day.

I need to get off the computer soon and pack. I'm sorry for my best friend that she had to learn the hard way that some guys are big assholes, At least she's saved some money, because she doesn't need to buy a Christmas present for him.

I'm out.

The starlight above my hometown ain't as bright as the star I've found, every drawing that I drew was never as cute as you.

This week didn't really end on a good note, but I don't want to forget how much fun I had the past 7 days. Monday was just a Monday. Nothing happened at all. Tuesday we didn't have school, so Kara came over to my house kinda early, and we hung around and stuff. The rest of the week was fun, but doesn't really need to be described in a lot of detail.
Friday kinda stunk though.
Friday, Melanie picked me up from school and we went to Barnes and Noble with Garrett Burke and Gage. It was a fun time, especially because Kara, Blake, Terry, and Hannah showed up. It was a little uncomfortable though because 2 of those people weren't really talking, but when one left it was okay again. It was okay until my mom called, that is. She was like "I'll be there in 5 minutes, come and talk to me", and I kept asking her if I was in trouble and it turns out I was. My mom e-mails my teachers every week to monitor my progress, and she got a bad report from my crazy Chemistry teacher again. Apparently I have 4 out of 8 assignments in for the whole semester...? I know that's not true. Everyone in the school knows that my teacher is a nut and lies about everything, it just sucks when my parents believe her over me. Anyway, she allowed me until 6:30 to hang out with everyone, then she was picking me up and I was grounded for the rest of the weekend. I realize now that she was really nice to do that, because I had a really good time after she left. We left B&N after talking with a few random people who work/used to work there, and rode around in Blake's car. We went to Ritters to see if Cody was working, but he wasn't. SO we just sat in the parking lot with the seats down, staring at Blake's roof. It was more fun then you'd think.
We called Alex after that, and we learned that Cody was at the bank to get money for his new VW BUS! That sounded exciting, so we left to go there. Kara and I rode the whole way with the seat still down and it was super fun. I'm going to insist to ride like that every time I'm in Blake's car. Anyway, we found Cody and told him we'd meet him in Allenwood.
Allenwood was fun even though Cody was upset his dad didn't want him to get the bus or something. When he was upstairs pouting, Alex, Kara, Blake, and I went to the pool. We obviously didn't go in the pool because it was cold, but we chilled in the chaise lounges around it. A storm was coming in so it was windy and dark, but I liked the atmosphere. I know that's weird but it was cool just sitting there and talking.
We went back to Cody's house and chilled there. My friends and I do a lot of "chilling". It's nice though, I love my friends.
My mom picked me up around 7 and my sister, my mom, and I went to Yummy House. Blake, Cody, and Alex just "happened" to show up there after a while, and they ate at the table next to us.
Saturday was my first official day of grounding and it sucked. I had my last soccer game in the morning, so I woke up around 8. I was awake for 19 hours on Saturday and it was one of the longest days I've had in a while. But not in a good way. Time just draggedddddddd on forever. Kara and Blake stopped by my house to pick up a movie I borrowed from Blake, but it wasn't really necessary that he got it. I think they were just being nice and giving me a second of happiness during my terrible day.
Today is Sunday and it's Kara and I's 10 month anniversary. Things just keep getting better and better with her, and I'm so happy right now at this moment just thinking about it. I wish I could've seen her today, but I tried my absolute hardest to convince my mom to hang out with her. It didn't work but that just makes me more excited for the make-up anniversary we're having. She got me a Jimi Hendrix record which I hung on my wall, and I got her something that I can't put on here because she might read it before I give them to her.

It's 4:23pm and I'm counting down the hours until I can fall asleep and get to see her at school tomorrow. This weekend was stupid but like I said before, I shouldn't let it occupy my mind for too long. It kinda overshadows the good time I had the rest of the week, which stinks. I'm not letting myself get grounded next week, you can count on it. Ms. Swilley won't get the best of me. Stupid Chemistry-teaching, Texas loving, scarf wearing, dog obsessed BITCH.
Meh.

I'm gonna go make myself something to eat. I only had one meal yesterday for the first time in weeks. My stomach growled all day but I think now that soccer's over, I should change my eating habits back to the way they were.
No one cares about that though.

Bye! :)

You say that we're all tied up and wrapped around in useless states of mind, but at the same time we're still young.

It's been exactly a week since I wrote a blog. The past 2 weeks, with Halloween break and everything, have been really cool. I hope things stay the way they are for a while. I've really been enjoying it. We had Tuesday off for Election Day, which I worked from 6 until 3 as a poll worker. After that, I went to Kara's and we chilled.
School was blah for the rest of the week, but Friday I went to Kara's after school, the Haley Powell picked us up and took us to B&N. There we met up with Alex, Cody, Blake, and Terry. I love those guys. I always have an fun time when I'm with them. I think I say that too much though, so I won't go into details.
Anyway, we found ourselves at Yummy House after random little adventures at Barnes and Noble, Walgreens, and Publix. I got really good egg noodle soup even though I had to eat it with a fork. After that I called Melanie, my BFF, and we met with her at the gas station. To waste time for Haley to pick up some stuff at her house, Melanie, Terry, Kara, and I went to a sex shop, which was really interesting. The front of it is a thrift/weave store, and the back, behind sparkly wall hangings, is the sex part. I didn't have the heart to lie about my age to get into the "adults only" section. Plus, I was kinda afraid of what I would see.
After a series of unfortunate events, we went back to B&N for the second time that day. It was fun until Mel's dad called and started freaking out on her for not being home. I left with her then, and we had a fun little sleepover.
Saturday I had to wake up around 8 to go to a soccer game in Beaufort, which we won. Afterwards I went to Melanie's painting party! It was so much fun. Aaron, Van, Haley, and Kara were all there, and Garrett and Gage left before I arrived. It was messy and didn't turn out so well, but it was a lot of fun. I hope we can all get together again. After the painting was finished, all the girls jumped in the hot tub with all our clothes on. Then we dried off and Kara and I walked to my house. There we watched Baby Mama and ate pancakes. That day was fun.
Todayyyyy I had another soccer game, but Kara came along to this one. It was weird having her there, but hanging out with her and my family after the game wasn't as bad as I thought.
We have Tuesday off for the second week in a row which is really cool. I don't know what's happening but I seriously don't want to stay home.

It seems that lately most of my friend's relationships are falling apart. Not just friend relationships, but boyfriends and girlfriends too. It makes me sad, but I'm secure enough with everything in my life that it won't happen to me. It just upsets me that my friends have to go through it. It makes me appreciate my relationships and I'm realizing how lucky I am. I hope everything works out for them and that they realize, whether they think so or not, that everything is for the best. I just don't like it when one person is somewhere talking shit about the other, but they're still pretending like each other. That's happening right now with 3 people I know. Only one is talking shit about the other two though. It makes me sick.

I was reading blogs the other day, and this girl was blogging the number of hours she's gone without eating and how many sit-ups she did that day. I used to do that. I'm glad I don't anymore.

When I get my own apartment, I want a room like this:


I guess that's all for now. I need to get off the computer. My butt hurts :/
<3

My words are slurring but I won't stop singing.

This break had a lot of firsts. First time I've seen a Saw movie, first time I saw Sex and the City, first time I didn't dress up for Halloween, first time I've ever seen a naked mole rat; but those are all silly little things. I threw up twice I drank so much on Friday, and I've never done that. Apparently I couldn't stand and kept hitting my face on things. I've never drank that much before. It was terrible. I was throwing up and making a fool of myself, and I feel really embarrassed. I know I can't take back what happened, but I don't want to be thought of like that. There were a few people I had a reputation with and I'm upset they saw me in that way. Especially Kara. I guess I got her upset a few times because I would slap her and be rude to her, but I don't even remember. I can't remember most of the night. I just hope I didn't do any permanent damage. She told me she didn't care, but I don't want it to be in the back of her mind when she thinks of it. I've never been like that ever, so I don't know. I hope the pictures taken don't end up on the internet, haha.
So needless to say, yesterday morning I had my first hangover. I loved yesterday though. I woke up next to my girlfriend and I was super happy. Alex, Cody, Kara, and I went to I-Hop and hung around the rest of the day until I went home.

According to my crazy mom, Kara's mom thinks we're obsessed with each other. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say how I feel, but I hope I don't come off the wrong way. Before Kara met me, from what I could tell, she was unhappy and did drugs and never got along with her mom. I'd like to think that the reason she's happy now is because of me. That's what she tells me, and I know I wake up every morning happy to be alive because she's with me. Anyway, why would her mom think that? She obviously doesn't realize the change in Kara's mood these past 9+ months. I keep her out of trouble and I've been nothing but nice to her. Now, Kara's mom isn't going as far as my mom is. My mom's going to "restrict" our time together because apparently it's too much. That makes me so angry. If she wasn't such a bitch all the time then maybe I'd like to spend time with her. I love Kara so much and we never have a bad time when we're together, so it's pretty obvious why I'd spend every day I can with her. It's not really that much if you think about it. With school and soccer and Footloose and everything, compared to other couples; we don't hang out that much. It just upsets me that no one looks at the bright side of things anymore. Our moms have to have a problem with us, but they don't realize how greatly we balance each other out.
I'm not going to listen if my mom says we can't talk on the phone or see other as much. She doesn't know what she's talking about in that department. She doesn't even like my dad.

School starts tomorrow. Meh. We get Tuesday off for Election Day though, which is cool. I get to work as a poll worker for 7 hours, earning $120. I think I'm supporting McCain for president. The more I learn about Barack Obama, the more I think he's a liar and won't be able to do most of what he promises for this country. I think it'll be really funny when our country gets run into the ground because of him, and all these kids who supported him because he's black or good looking or whatever are stunned.
Who knows, maybe that won't happen. Hopefully that won't happen, but whatever. I'm just going to worry about today.
I'm getting off the computer. I'm supposed to do some cleaning before I can see a movie today. Oh joy.

Well, I stand up next to a mountain and I chop it down with the edge of my hand.

Agh, the past couple of weeks have been so crazy. Most of it's been good though, which is nice. The bad days have been really bad though, like most of them are with me. I don't usually have just "okay" days. It's either really great, good, or terrible. Last Saturday and Sunday were terrible, Wednesday was terrible. And the problem with terrible days are that you keep thinking about them even though you have a good day. You can never go back and do them over, they're just always there. All three of my bad days were the result of my own stupid-ness so that makes it even harder. I'm sick of screwing things up, but I'm to lazy to change anything.
We have this whole next week off from school, which is the greatest thing ever. I got to go home early from school on Friday, and then hung out with my mom, then hung out with Kara, Alex, Cody, and Lynn for the rest of it. Today was nice too. I hung out with just Kara, which I like doing a lot.
My computer crashed with all my music and pictures and everything on it, so I have to use my dad's for stuff. It doesn't have flashplayer so I can't listen to music or anything. He blocked the site, I guess, so it won't install. It really bugs me.
I don't know who I support for president. Unlike most teenagers in America, I don't really like Barack Obama. I think he's a show-off and can't deliver all the promises he's making. Like, no taxes? I don't think so. He is the better of the two candidates though. I really don't like McCain.

I'm glad I'm not super sad like I was a while ago though. I go through a lot of periods when I'm just really sad and hate everything, but I'm not. I'm just like, wistful I guess. I need to stop thinking so much. It only gets me in trouble.

I hope tomorrow is really good. I want to do something really amazing and different,
but I can't think of anything because this island is so 'effing boring. I need some suggestions.

Let it flow like a mud slide.

I'm gonna start this entry now, but I don't think I'm gonna finish it. I have homework to do and I want to talk on the phone with Kara tonight. Today is our 9 month anniversary! I don't think anyone realizes how much I love this girl. I know I talk about it all the time, so I won't talk about it too much more. I'm just so glad we've made it this far, but it's not like it's that big of a challenge. She's the greatest and I love her :)
The past two days have been weird. They were great, and then really bad, and then good, then bad again. And this is all in the matter of a couple hours. Last night I got all upset because Kara was upset. Her and her mom haven't been getting along. Then my mom and I got into a fight because I didn't get off the phone when she told me to. When I woke up, everything just hit me again and I started crying because I just want my life to straighten out again. Some people like their lives to be exciting and different every day, and that's nice and all, but I feel like I have to much to do. Like, there's a difference between disorganized and different. I like different, not disorganized. After my grandma died, I got to school and found that I have a ton of homework and tests to make up, and grades close on Friday for the first semester. I'm pretty sure I'm failing at least 1 class. Then theres that awful musical my parents forced me to be in. It looks so dumb and I don't know any of the steps they went over when I was gone. I feel like an idiot. I feel really pressured all the time and on top of it all, my mom threw a little bitch fit about how I couldn't escort Kara on Homecoming since Kara's on Homecoming court. She was like "Why don't you just get a billboard, Catie?!?". I mean, god forbid any of her friends find out and she doesn't get invited to those luncheons anymore! Jeez. I got so upset. I was so excited to escort her, and my mom says I can't do it the day before it happens. Whata whore.
---
Okay. Now it's Friday. I told you I wouldn't finish this entry.
Today was good for the most part. School was good, after school was very good, and the football game was not good. Street Meet afterwards was nice though. I liked everyone I was with.
School was good because I really didn't do anything. Then after school was good because I spent it with Kara and Blake, who my mom is letting me drive with again. The football game was bad because I started thinking about my mom and my old friends right in the middle of it. I didn't get to be with Kara much because she was doing homecoming stuff, so I just stood awkwardly around people I used to hang out with. I wish I stil hung out with them though. I don't really have many friends anymore.
Anyway, I was reallly looking forward to escorting Kara and being there at the game reminded me about how much of a bitch my mom can really be. I dunno, it's been showing a lot over the past couple of days. It bums me out.
Another thing that bums me out is friends. I don't have friends anymore. Even the one I had left after everything this summer isn't really there anymore. I just don't feel close to anyone but my girlfriend. I don't want to put that kinda pressure on her; that she needs to listen to me vent and whine but still be a girlfriend. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel bad. I'm so so so glad that we're that close and that I can tell her anything, but I've always had a best friend. Like, separate from who I was dating. Whatever. It's just sad. Maybe thats the way it's supposed to be, but I've always had a big group of friends. Ever since around summer or the end of school last year, everything's kind of fallen apart. The game really got me thinking about it.

I don't really care right now because the night ended on a good note. That's all I really care about. I don't like going home unhappy. I have a tonnnnn on my mind right now. My mom, Kara, today, old friends, the way I look, everything I have to do; just random stuff. I hate it.
I'm gonna end this now though. I'm over it.

<3

Hey girl, you've got a smart way about you that makes me wish that I was smart enough for you.

Gosh almighty, it's been a long time since I've posted anything on here. Right now it's 8:23am on Saturday, and I'm supposed to be getting ready for a soccer game. I'm really tired. I didn't get to bed until 11 last night because my best friend didn't drop me off until 10:15.
Yesterday was really interesting. Actually, this whole last week was interesting. It was amazing though, and I'm so glad things are good again. I was grounded last weekend and the weekend before, so I told myself that I wouldn't be again. So, now I'm not.
Monday was okay, I don't really remember if anything exciting happened. Tuesday after school, I went to Kara's house, and we hung out there. That's always fun. Wednesday I was supposed to have a soccer game but I was really tired, so my mom let me skip. That was nice because she doesn't let me do that much. I don't know, it just kinda shows that she trusts me again, which I really really want.
Thursday after school, I went to Kara's house again. I usually go over there when my mom can't pick me up after play practice because Kara lives so close to the school. Thursday was different then Tuesday, and I liked it better. We talked and joked around a lot which I love doing. She's one of the only people on this planet that I can laugh with for real. I don't know if that makes sense, but she understands my weird sense of humor, and I don't feel like I'm faking it when I'm laughing with her. Like, sometimes I laugh at people to be polite, but not with Kara. She's hilarious and I love it.
Yesterday was the best day of them all. After play practice, Kara and I got picked up by Cody and Alex. They're amazing and so much fun to hang out with, I just feel bad because I started feeling really sick in the middle of it. I slept in the car for a majority of the time, haha. It was so weird. It felt like I had a fever and I was all clammy and sweaty, but after I slept for a while, I was okay. Cody had to be home, so he dropped Kara and I off at Kara's house. We hung out there for a while with her mom, but then we walked to a playground near the school. That was fun. We just talked and walked and argued about who loved each other more. I know that sounds really stupid and annoying, but it's the sweetest thing when she does that. She's still wrong though; she'll never love me more then I love her :)
So, my mom picked me up around 8 and when I got home, my mom and I went to a prayer party at a nun's house! That's right. We didn't stay for long because we were only there to pick up my little sister and her friend. But still, I was inside a nun's house, and it was strangely normal looking.
The nun's live right down the street from me, so as we were there Melanie sped by to pick me up at my house. I ran down the street, and from there Melanie, Davis, Anna, and I went to Mi Tierras for dinner. That was a lot of fun, but Davis kept causing problems. He got sour cream and silly string in Anna's hair, and he was screaming in a high-pitched voice the whole time. I guess that's just Davis though, and he's a pretty interesting kid to hang out with. I have a bruise-scar thing on my hip because he went up and bit it when he was tying his shoe in Wal-Mart. It hurt sooo bad and I was really angry with him.
Today I have that soccer game and my mom's making me do my homework when I get home before I do anything. I hope I can hang out with Melanie and Kara today since it's my first time not being grounded in 3 weeks. I'm definitely digging this weekend so far, so I hope it's a good one :D
I'm so glad that something like friends can cheer me up like this. I was feeling so shitty a while ago, but being ungrounded and having a good time with my friends has done so much. It just really makes me appreciate that they're in my life.

My great-grandma died yesterday morning, so I'm not going to be here Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday for the funeral.
I'm pretty upset because she's the 2nd person that's died and I've actually known and been with for a significant amount of time. It's not like your random uncle you've never met, even though that sounds mean. At least she's not sick anymore, I guess.
I'll probably write when I get back :)

And I keep drinkin' coffee cause my thoughts stay clear when things start to spin.

Well, it's been an interesting past couple of days. The flag thing is pretty much over. My mom and dad are talking again, and my mom's not mad at me for it anymore. I forgot my homework for Chemisty on Tuesday though, so I'm grounded for that. I really really hate being grounded. I hate that my parents have that kind of control over me. I missed one homework assignment and next thing you know, I'm stuck at home, forced to do everything my mom says. Now I remember why I hate being home so much. I'm usually out every weekend, so this is the first time I've been home in a while. Whatever. I'm just jealous of everyone who's out doing something right now. I want to be out there with them.

I had a nice talk with my best friend yesterday about what being "okay" really means. She was saying how people can act like nothing's bothering them, but nothing can ever really be completely okay. Like, how do you know when everything is really "okay"? Is it when you're completely, 100% happy with everything in your life? Is that even possible? I've realized that now more then ever. People bottle up stuff and never talk about their problems, but then it just gets worse and worse. Things can be "okay" in different ways though. Like, if you stop being friends with someone or something, it might not seem "okay", but it might turn out to be. You might've stopped being friends with that person because they're not as good of a friend as you thought. I know that good things always come out of bad situations, it just takes time and effort. I just wish people wouldn't let it just sit there and build up though. I know that's easier said then done, but I hope they know that I'm always here to talk to. If something isn't okay, I know I like talking about it with other people. Maybe it's not what anyone else likes to do, but letting it sit there and get bigger and bigger doesn't do a damn thing. I want people to count on me and stuff. Or I just want them to cheer up and try to see the good in things again.

I've been having this weird feeling lately, like something bad is about to happen. I get it sometimes when drama breaks out or...I don't know. It's a sinking feeling like you're on the edge of tears and your head feels heavy, and you don't feel like thinking about anything. I just hope it's nothing too disastrous, but maybe it's just me. I just don't feel good.

Kara's over her cold, which is good. I've had Footloose practice every day since it started, and it's cool because I usually get to see Kara before and after. I just love spending time with her so much. Someone asked me today if we're gonna get married :P I thought that was funny. We had our 8 month anniversary last Tuesday and she made me a really good CD. I made her one too, and she said she liked it.
I know it's really early, but I want to go to prom this year,
and I already have my dress picked out.

I don't know yet though, so I might change my mind. I'm such a loser when it comes to planning big things. I always figure it out wayyy ahead of time. I guess I need to see what my date is wearing to decide (:

Oh, and apparently Travis Barker and DJ AM were in a fatal plane crash in South Carolina, and they're both in critical condition.
How sad :(

The weather is soooo nice outside, so I think I'm gonna go do something besides sit on the computer.
Melanie's supposed to be over in a couple minutes. I'll write more later!

You can't tell me it's not worth dying for you, you know it's true. Everything I do, I do it for you.

I'm in a pretty good mood today considering everything that's happened since I last wrote on here. On Sunday when Terry and Blake came over, I let Terry have this old, ratty flag on the front porch. He wanted it to burn or something, so I just said "yeah" because it was useless anyway. Well, apparently my mom didn't think it was. She jacked it from her grandma's house a while ago, so she flipped out when she noticed it was gone. I took the blame for everything, and it finally got dropped. I figured everything was fine by Monday because my mom was being so nice. It turns out the only reason she was being nice is because she called Terry's mom when I was at school. I think it was to tattle on him or get some vengeance from it or something. I don't really know.
When I found out she called Terry's mom, I got so angry. We had this huge screaming fight over it, and my dad finally stepped in to stick up for me. I didn't understand why she thought she needed to get one of my friends in trouble for something he didn't even know was wrong. I took the blame and everything and she seemed okay with it all, but she still had to make a big deal out of it. She called Terry's mom who was like "I can get one to replace it...we're so sorry...blah blah blah", but no. My mom wanted to take it further and get them to fish it out of the dump or something. Terry's mom said he and I can't hang out anymore because I was a bad influence, but that's just what my mom said. I don't believe what she says anymore.
So Tuesday my dad drove me to school, and while I was there, my parents talked and she wants us out of the house. She said I'm 17 now and I need to find somewhere else to live, and she wants to get a lawyer to get my dad out. It's Wednesday now though, and she doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. My dad and I just stay out of the house for as long as we can, come home and sleep, then get out of the house by 7 in the morning. She's not here now.
I think the whole situation was blown way out of proportion. It was a stupid flag that she stole from her grandmother, and I didn't even know that before I gave it to Terry. Whatever. I said I was sorry.

Everything's been okay besides that though.
School's fun.
Kara still has a cold, which I'm waiting impatiently for her to get over.
I had my first Footloose rehearsal today and it was super fun.

I don't know what to think about my life right now. I'm just glad things aren't all completely falling apart. I have a few good friends I know I can count on, and that makes everything good.
I got a buncha money from my grandparents for my birthday yesterday. I can't wait to go shoppingggggg ;D
and the rest I'm putting away for a car.

Oh, and wtf is with that black hole thing in Switzerland?! I don't want to die!
If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this:
http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/09/10/black-hole-cern.html

I guess I'll get started on my homework now. Bye!
<3

If I could express it in a different dialect or in a delicate way, I'd capture the phrases inside the cage beneath my chest.

So, this weekend was definitely not as good as last week. It seems like it would be one of the worst I've had in a long time, but I'm actually not that upset. A lot happened since Friday, which we had off of school for the hurricane.
I kinda got into a fight with a friend, and that got me pretty angry. I wasn't in that good of a mood to begin with and on top of that, my mom wouldn't let me go outside. Nothing ended up happening though. The hurricane completely missed us.
Saturday was nice. I had a soccer game that we won, but it was maddddd hot outside. Afterwards, I went over to Kara's house, but we weren't there very long because her mom was coming, and it's always weird being there with her mom. From there, we walked to Main Street, then to the Walgreen's, Barnes & Noble, Dollar Store, and Wal-Mart area. It was fun just walking around with her. We seem to do that a lot, but I always like it. Kara got sick when we were in Wal-Mart though, the poor thing. But her voice sounds so cute when she's sick! I hope she gets better soon.
Today was pretty lame. I woke up, and I wasn't even awake for 5 minutes before my parents decided to scream at me for stuff that never happened. They think I don't ever do my homework, which isn't true. A couple days ago, they made me try out for this musical at my school because I have "such a talent" that I "shouldn't let go to waste". They're convinced that i skipped out on the auditions and lied about the whole thing. I don't care that they don't believe me, because I did and they'll see that when I get call-backs, but just how they yell at me. It's like I'm 12 again, and it ticks me off.
I'm not all like ohh, I'm 17 now. I'm an adult, but seriously. They talk to me like I'm a kid. I told my dad he was acting like a jerk, and he said he was gonna "slap that look off my face". Who says that? I know he would never ever hit me, but he's threatening it like it actually means something to me. They get so worked up over the stupidest things, and it's so unnecessary.
Anyway, Kara and Alex came over for a Drama project we had to do. Then Terry and Blake stopped over, and even though they couldn't stay, it made me happy. I love my friends.

Whatever. I guess the truth will come out and my parents will trust me again,
but I want things to get better like they were a week ago. Life has so many ups and downs, and I can't stand it.

I feel like dying my hair or something.
Hm.

Watch this video:

Ramble on, and now's the time; the time is now to sing my song.

Today's my birthdayyyyyy!
I know it's lame to be sitting here writing a blog on the day of my birth, but we had school today and stuff and I'm not allowed to go downstairs because my family's decorating or icing the cake or something.
I've cheered up a lot from my last post. Things are way better and looking back, it was pretty stupid writing about how sucky life was before. It wasn't the end of the world, and I'm definitely not worrying about what I was then.

We just came off a long 4-day weekend, and I couldn't be happier. So much happened and I had fun every single day. I saw Melanie and Kara most of the time, and I loooove those girls. I won't go into huge detail, but I had a blast. If this weekend is even just half as great, I would be completely happy.

I don't know if whoever is reading this knows it, but there's a huge hurricane coming my way. People are talking about evacuating and stuff, but school hasn't been called off, so nothing's definite. I know a lot of people who are leaving tonight though, and my parents were talking about leaving Thursday (tomorrow). We aren't anymore though 'cuz I guess it's turned into a tropical storm that's going to hit north of us around Saturday. Still though, that's pretty scary stuff. What if we evacuated but when we got back, everything was gone! AND I HAD TO MOVE AWAY AND NEVER SAW ANYONE AGAIN! Ha, I'm really glad it's not that big of a deal anymore. I don't want to move.

Yesterday my mom took me to see a house she was thinking about buying in the town over from us. I don't want to move there either. I like where I live and the school I go to and the friends I have. Especially Kara. She spent the night on Monday, which is weird because my mom doesn't even let my friend Bridget spend the night. I'm still soo happy she did though. It was so nice. This weekend really made me realize how much I love her. I hope everyone can find a love like this in their lifetime. I know I'm young, but I'm crazy for this girl. It doesn't bother me if someone doesn't understand or care, but it's an amazing feeling. I'm just so happy :)

I guess I'll stop now because I can't think of anything else to write about and I have homework to do. I'm gonna sneak downstairs too because I really really want some Doritos.
<3

There could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together.

Hiiiii :)
I just got home from hanging out with Blake and my girlfriend. It's Wednesday of the 2nd week of school, and not too much has changed. I find myself starting to get upset over the littlest things though, and I don't know what to do.
There's someone I'm kinda friends with, and they've recently done something to make me angry. It wasn't that big of a deal, but now it's turned into this huge thing. I confided in one person and told them why I was upset, and suddenly everyone knows about it. They're making it seem like I completely hate this person. That's not true at all, I've calmed down since it's happened. Everyone talking about it makes me more and more upset though, and today, something was said that made me want to cry. For a while now, some people I hang out with have been saying how all their old friends have abandoned them and gone their seperate ways. Some of them have gotten really into drugs and stuff, and their old friends have been pretty upset over it. They always talk about how it used to be and everything they used to do, and how much they miss it. Especially someone I'm really close to. One of the reasons they've been upset lately is because they feel like they don't have a solid group of friends anymore.
So today we were in Subway when the person I "hate" came up, and someone said "Yes you do, Catie, you hate him. Now it's gonna be like February again," and February was when everyone started drifting apart. I feel like it's all my fault now, and I reallllly really don't want it to be. I feel so selfish and bitchy too, 'cuz everyone's been so emotional about that situation. I don't know if this is making any sense to you, but I feel like shit. It's been one thing after another, and I feel like everything's been falling apart. Like, I'm seriously ruining everything for everyone. I mentioned once that I was sick of going to Barnes and Noble everyday, and BAM! we don't go there anymore. I said someone was annoying me, and now they're annoying other people. And no ones the way they used to be, just because I had to open my big mouth and say something. It's completely my fault.
My girlfriend is never happy anymore and I try soo hard to cheer her up, but it's not as easy as it looks. I know we're both here for each other, but stuff like that doesn't just go away overnight. Other friends of mine are having problems too. Especially when SO MUCH is going on at once, I feel like I'm stuck in a hole.
I don't even know what else to say. I guess "theres only one way to go, and that's up" or whatever. I don't even know how that saying goes. I don't care though.

I might go lay down or something.
My birthday's in exactly a week :) that's something to look forward to.
Melanie wants to help me plan a dinner at Spice or somewhere. I don't know who I'd invite though :/

I'll write laterrrrrr.

And there was a time when all I wanted was my ice cream colder and a little cream soda.

So, I've made it through my first week of school. It wasn't so bad, I guess. We're on a new A-B schedule, which means that we switch classes every day. It's like 1-2-3-4 Monday, then 5-6-7-8 Tuesday, then 1-2-3-4 Wednesday. It's not as bad as I thought, but I still don't like it.
I really liked my first day, A-Day, because it was exciting, and I liked all my classes. B-day was really lame though. I really didn't like any of my classes, and I only knew a few people in my lunch. When I got home, I just climbed into bed and ended up sleeping for 13 hours.
That was the only really bad day I had last week. The rest was pretty good. I just hope it stays this way for a while. I had a nice summer, so it would be good if my school year didn't completely suck.
This weekend was good. I saw Kara every day. Friday, she came home with me and we watched Charlie Bartlett and a little of Just Friends. Yesterday I went to her house, and the Haley Powell picked us up, and we hung out at her house before going to Barnes and Noble. Today Blake and Kara came over for a little bit, and then we went to Terry's house. We met Haley at Burger King after leaving Terry's, and then we headed out to Bluffton. We went to Old Navy and World Market and stuff, and then we came back onto the island for Blake to get his car. Then we went to Wal-Mart for a couple minutes, but we all had to get home, so my mom picked up Kara and I, and Blake went home.
Tomorrow is school and I have my first soccer practice. I think that's kind-of exciting. My mom's been on my ass about how I just "hang out" with my friends all the time, and how I should find something to do. So yeah, the next couple of months are gonna be busy. I don't know if I want that though. I like being lazy.

I've just kind-of realized how hard it is to be happy or make someone happy. You can't just turn it off and on like a lamp. I wish you could though. I'm really worried about a friend of mine. I don't think they're gonna kill themselves or anything, but I just want them to be happy. I want to do whatever I can to make it happen, and I hope they know that. I know they'd do the same for me, but it's hard because I don't know what to do. They just need to know that I'm always here to talk to, and they can always count on me :)

Tomorrow should be interesting. I have soccer with someone I haven't seen in a really long time. I'm excited and all, but it's gonna be weird seeing her again, especially it's just gonna be us two.
I'm gonna go and fix something to eat. I'm hungryyyyy.
TTYL <3

High above the chimney tops, thats where you'll find me.

It's the last day of Summer 2008. I'm really sad about that, but I think I'm pretty prepared for school starting up. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm not completely dreading it.
I think for the first time this summer, I'm almost completely content with everything. I don't want to jinx it or brag, but I'm feeling really good about the way things are turning out. This summer's made it pretty evident who's important to me and who actually cares about me. I've found people I have a good time with and actually get along with. I mean, nothings completely 100% perfect, but I guess it never really can be. I don't know, it's just that I'm cool with the handful of close friends I have left, and I've been hanging out with a lot of nice people lately. Hopefully it'll turn into more opportunities for hanging out because I'm really enjoying it.
I've managed to surround myself with some pretty chill people, and I'm really happy. Or at least the happiest I've been this summer.

I've learned a lot this summer, and so so so much has changed. I wasn't sure before, but I know now that I'm fine with the way things went. The people who aren't as close to me anymore are fine that way, because they were obviously moved there for a reason. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone or saying that I'm not to blame, but think about it. I don't want to get hurt anymore.
I just hope this school year makes things better and doesn't bring in any unnecessary drama or anything.
And now, as I've said before, I'm gonna focus my attention on making my friends feel better. I want things to stay the way they are for a while, so I'm gonna make sure my friends stay close and trust me and stuff.

:) <3

You said I make you laugh? Well you make my heart sing.

So I'm home from Daytona. I had an okay time. I'm just glad to be home.
Tuesday was so much fun. I got out of the house around 12, and my mom dropped me off at Kara's where we watched a movie and stuff. Then we left in the rain to go to Burger King. There we met Alex and Cody, who are two really cool kids. Then we went to Magiamo's (sp?) for pizza, and when we were there, Melanie called me. She was like "Oh, I'm at Burke's Pharmacy", and Burke's just happened to be right outside the pizza place. So I went to go see them but they went to get ice cream, and I wanted to go back with Kara, Alex, and Cody. By then Blake had gotten there, so after we paid, we all piled into his car and went to Barnes and Noble. We hung out there for a while, but then my mom randomly called and said I needed to be picked up. I really didn't want to go, so I convinced her to let me stay. Then we went to Wal-Mart to buy Blake a remote control plane and then to Allenwood to play with it. We went out in the big high school soccer field, and we spent the next couple of minutes throwing around a plate we stole from Magiamo and getting the plane out of trees. It started raining hard though, so we found shelter on this porch of some house. The night ended after we went to the Rec Center to fly the plane some more, dropped Kara off, then went back to Cody's where I forgot my purse, then stopped at the convenient store for Teddy Grahams and soda. I had a lot of fun.
Wednesday and today were pretty terrific too. I went to dinner with Melanie, Aaron, and Van at Mi Tierras. Then I spent the night at Melanie's where we made vblogs and prank phone calls! When I woke up though, I talked to my mom who said I had to come home and clean my room. Around 2 Melanie came over to help because it was taking way too long. When we were finished, we went to Outback to meet Haley Powell, Terry, Hannah, Harry, and Ricky...? I think his name was Ricky. I don't really remember. The only thing he said the whole time was "Cheeseburger, please".
Anyway, I had a good time hanging out with them. We just drove around and stuff.
When we got back to Melanie's house around 8, I called my mom to ask if I could stay longer and dye her hair for her. I was supposed to be at my house at 8, but Melanie lives right down the street from me, so I figured it would be okay. She said I was grounded though, which sucks. School starts in 3 days :(
I don't want to be one of those teenage kids who's the outcast of their families and stuff, but I'm really only happy when I'm with my friends. My family just makes me upset when I'm with them, and I hope it doesn't stay that way forever.

I also hope I'm not really grounded tomorrow, because I bought Kara a bunny rabbit for our anniversary, and I want to pick it up tomorrow.

this is my favorite song right now :)


this made me ROFL.


Me and Melanie.
Something you should look at


I don't know when I'm gonna write again,
because I don't really care since no one really reads this anyway.
I just hope these next 3 days don't suck.

And I cannot sleep without the radio on.

Okay. I changed my mind. I'm actually not that upset about going to Florida. I wish Kara could go with me though. I'm gonna miss her even though it's only a couple of days.

So anyway, sorry for the little fit I had Wednesday.

This guy makes the coolest videos I've seen a long time,
so watch them.


I'll write when I get back :)

We still compliment eachother, like colors in harmony that make eachother look brighter.

dsx,xdfjkmc vmjkx;l.zs.;l/a;'/dkj,jckfvc mjkn djfkdesjhswzhjnesdkjlfgtkl,gv,mjkcv ng
I don't want to go to Daytona. I don't want to go to Daytona. I don't want to go to Daytona. I don't want to go to Daytona. I don't want to go to Daytona. I don't fucking want to go to Daytona.
I just found out today that we're leaving Friday morning. It's Wednesday night. I knew we were going after we got back from New York, but I didn't realize it was so soon.
I want to stay here with Kara and Bridget and Melanie, who's coming home the day after I leave, and Blake and Terry and Haley and Timmy and Martha and Corinne and everyone else I've been hanging out with the past couple of days.
WAHHHHH! I don't wanna gooooooo. I feel like stomping around and throwing stuff like a little 3 year old. I've been having a really good time since I got home, and I'm feeling really good about everything I wasn't before. I don't want to go and ruin it by spending another couple of days with my family. It makes me so frustrated and I want to cry. All my family talks about is how I'm always in a bad mood and how I'm just a "moody teenager" and shit. They need to get their heads out of their asses and actually realize what's going on. I don't want to be there. If they made it more enjoyable for me then I'd be in a better mood. And plus, when I am in a good mood, they're just like "Why are you so bi-polar? One minute you want to kill us and the next you're laughing and having a good time". Why can't they just be happy with it? Honest to god, the more I think about this, the more I get upset. I really don't want to fucking go.

Yesterday was so much fun. I left my house around 3 to meet up with Timmy and Taylor down in Coligny, but they had to leave at 5 to go home. So I called Kara and she came down, and while we were walking around, I saw my buddies Martha and Corinne. After Timmy and Taylor left, Kara and I ended up sticking with Martha and Corinne for the rest of the day. We left the pool and decided to go to fireworks, so I drove home with Martha and Kara went home with Corinne.
I showered and got dressed and stuff, and Martha picked me back up an hour-or-so later. Before going to fireworks, Martha and I swung by La Hacienda to pick up some beverages. I guess I got pretty ditsy because I don't really remember much after that. I remember screaming and spilling something when we saw Kara & Corinne, I remember sitting in the playground of McDonald's, and I remember being in Martha's car. I guess we dropped Kara off at her aunt's because by the time we got to Martha's, she was gone. I ended up spending the night at Martha's where we spent the next couple of hours playing Bop-it and darts, watching movies, making pancakes, squishing cockroaches, spraying her cat with water, and other fun things. When I fell asleep, they were watching random ladies give birth on the Discovery Health channel.
I woke up around 10 and went home to watch my sisters so my mom could go to a meeting. When she got home, she took my sisters and I out, and they went to the arcade and my mom and I went to the mall. While we were there, Blake called and asked if I wanted to chill. I absolutely did, so he picked me up at my house a while later. Then we picked up Kara from her aunt's and went to Mellow Mushroom for dinner. After that we just went around doing random stuff, and I was home around 9:30.
My point is, the past 3 days I've been home have been the greatest. I just want to keep enjoying it before school starts up in less then 2 weeks. I hate my family for making me go to Daytona. It's not going to be fun at all.

I need to see Kara tomorrow. I've seen her almost every day since I've been back, but I feel like I haven't really. Its almost like I miss her, especially since I was gone for 2 weeks and we haven't really been alone since I left.

I guess I'll get off the computer now. It's late and I want to wake up early tomorrow and start planning my day.

Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place.

I'M HOME :D
I'm very happy to be here and my first day back was pretty amazing. It was hot as hellll though, and that is the one and only thing I miss from New York. It was gorgeous up there and the weather was perfect. Then when we got down here, it was like BAM! hotness. It sucks.
My girlfriend is sick and I'm really worried about her. She passed out and her chinchilla died all in the same day, and I feel terrible that I wasn't there for her when it happened. She has to go to the hospital soon and get tests done, and I hope that happens soon because it's really serious.
So today was quite eventful. I woke up around 9 and took a shower because everyone had to go to the high school to get their schedules and stuff. After I got out of the shower, Kara called me and we talked about meeting at the high school, and me leaving with her and her mom to down to Coligny. I got to the high school around noon and got my classes for next year, and then I saw Kara and we left with her mom. When we got to Coligny, we walked around and talked to some cool people like Courtney, Courtney's sister, Courtney's sister's friend, Blake Cooler, and this really nice Asian guy named Chris! We tried getting in to some hotels but it didn't really work out too well. One of them needed a code to get in, so we left. We caught this lady getting into the elevator of another one, so we walked around the inside of that one for a while. When we got out to the pool, we followed this family in because we didn't know the code to get into it. When we got in though, we needed a code to get out too, so we sat around inconspicuously until someone left. After that we walked around Coligny for a while longer, then went to Hinchey's to chill in the AC, then walked to the Dollar Store and Bi-Lo. At the Dollar Store we bought a little suction cup archery set and went to Bi-Lo to try it out. Kara got it suck to a bunch of stuff, but I couldn't, so I just put it in my purse. Then Blake called and said he'd pick us up before we went to Kara's aunt's house to get his hair cut. So we went there and Blake got his hair cut by Kara's cousin, and Haley Powell and Terry showed up. From there we went to Haley's house and hung around playing pool, messing with Blake's hair, and trying to solve Rubik's Cubes.
Haley decided she wanted to go to dinner, so after piling into Blake's car, getting into a lot of trouble with her neighbors for speeding, and my mom calling and freaking me out; we finally got to La Hacienda. We ate and Kara and I got dropped off at Park Plaza to see a movie. We ended up not having enough money, so we walked around there for a couple hours. We saw Dakota Wilson at her work and Brittnay Johnson, Lisa Kasmir, and LEEMOR BENNY! I haven't seen Leemor in a while, so that was nice.
There wasn't a lot we could do around Park Plaza without any money or a desire to dance like a whore at Teen Night, so I called my mom and she picked us up around 11.

My mom is such a bitch. For the past 2 years, we've gone to Tennessee for my dad to race his car, and it always seems to fall on the day of my birthday. If you can't tell already, I freaking hate family vacations, and being stuck on one for my birthday sucks. So my mom and I were talking about it after dropping Kara off, and she was like "Well, I told your father that we won't be going this year, but after what I saw when I picked you up, I'm rethinking it". What did she see? NOTHING. She thought she saw me and Kara were sucking face, and she's punishing me for it on my 17th birthday. It just makes me mad and even more fed up with my family.
I leave for Daytona soon and I reallllllly don't want to go. I just want to stay here and enjoy my last couple of days in summer. It's almost over.

I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed.
& sorry for the stupid emo blog before this one. I just get really upset, even though that seems to happen a lot, but still. I'm better now that I'm home.
:)

Before I take a ride in that long black hearse I don't wanna die in the hospital, you gotta take me back outside.

As of right now, I'm in Corning, New York. It's really hot in this hotel room and I'm sneaking on my dad's laptop because I'm not really supposed to be on it. I was talking on the phone with Kara before, and she was at Blake's. I'd kill to be there right now. I hate it here, I really do. I'm having a horrible time with my family and I miss people a lot. My mom hasn't stopped bitching since we left home and my little sisters are only happy when they're playing Nintendo or watching TV. I can't say I'm much better though because all I've been thinking about is getting home or talking on the phone.
I thought that coming here was what I wanted, but I was wrong. I need to be home trying to fix things with people and being happy. I'm not happy here. It's only a family trip, yeah, and we're getting back on Sunday, but I really can't take it anymore. I've completely broken down crying 3 times in the past 2 days, and that's pathetic. I just want to be home so bad. I want to be around people I actually get along with.
It's a lot more then just getting space from my family though, I feel like I'm moving farther and farther away from people the longer I stay up here. Like people are forgetting about me. I don't want that to happen anymore, because that was going on before I even left. The day of Melanie's party though, I was having a really good time with people I really liked, so I thought things were getting better. When I got up here, no one called me and I haven't really kept in contact with anyone but Kara.
I just want to go home and get away from my stupid family. Don't get me wrong, it could be a lot worse. I'm a teenager though, and theres only so much I can take. I miss my girlfriend more then I thought I would, and it's killing me.
Whatever. Only a couple more days, I guess.

I got the mic and you got the mosh pit.

Well, today is Friday and it's been 3 days since I last wrote. Not too much as happened. Kara and I's 6th month anniversary was Wednesday, and I got to hang out with her for the good part of the day. I went over to her house, then we went to the elementary school playground, then to Starbucks/Barnes and Noble, then to Wal-Mart where my dad picked us up. I discovered my new love for Wal-Mart sports, and for those of you who don't know what that is; it's exactly what it sounds like. You just go to the sports equipment section and play! I totally kicked her butt in everything, except for one. I think it was Ore and Nurf Ball Hockey, but I'm not sure. I hope I can go back and do that again sometime. I had so much fun.
Today was Melanie's birthday. She had a bunch of people get together, and we all went putt-putting then to her house afterwards. It was a lot of fun. No one really took the golfing seriously, so we left before we got the the 18th hole. After that we went to her dad's and hung out at her pool. Terry, Gage, Garret B., Bridget, Desirée, Anna, and Kara were all there, and they're pretty cool kids so it was nice. It was weird at times though. Like, I think I patched things up with someone I was having some trouble with, or at least I hope so. It was a good day overall, and I'm glad because I'm leaving for NY tomorrow. I really wanted to have a good day today, and I did.
Ever since I was like 13, I've completely hated family trips. I get really emotional and frantic before we leave, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I miss my friends or maybe it's because I never really have a good time with my family, I don't know. But really, right this minute, I'm actually okay with leaving for awhile. I've been feeling really lonely and useless lately. I know leaving won't make that any better, but I think a change in scenery will be good. Plus, I love where we're visiting. We're going up to Keuka Lake and to Corning where my mom and dad grew up. It's gorgeous up there and I get to see all my family, which is nice. I actually wish I could just stay up there. I feel like I don't have anyone anymore. Well, maybe one or two people, but still. I've just been lonely and angry and sad and almost like...heartbroken. It's weird. I don't like how things are and I want them to get fixed. Running away to New York won't do that, but it's going to get my mind off things. I'm totally fine with that, but I'm going to miss one person like crazyyyyy. & My mom said I'm not allowed to make phone calls while I'm up there (not like anyone's going to want to talk to me, but still.) I hope that one person stays out of trouble and doesn't forget about me. I know it's only 2 weeks, but that's a pretty long time. Terry says that anything longer then a week sucks to be away from your partner. So yeah.

I think Melanie and Bridget just called me. It was a 617 number so my mom picked it up, and she was like "Someone with a very high voice named Steve wants to talk to you!". So I picked it up and they were saying something about seeing me on myspace and if I had a boyfriend and stuff. I asked if it was Bridget because it sounded exactly like her with a squeakier voice, and there was laughing in the background. It was funny.

Anyway, I need to get off and pack because I told my mom I was all ready to go, but I'm not at all. I don't even have all my clothes together.
So, for the next two weeks I'll be stuck on a lake with no TV, internet, or phone, and I'm fine with it. I just hope things won't be like I left them when I get back.
<3 :)

Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.

So, Warped Tour was yesterday and it was one of the greatest things I've ever done. I had a blast, don't get me wrong, but it was so different then I thought it would be. There were a bunch of different stages with people playing at the same time, so there were a lot of people I didn't get to see. I got to see Mayday Parade, 3oh!3, Reel Big Fish, The Academy Is..., a little bit of Set Your Goals, Katy Perry, Alesana, and The Pink Spiders. I think I'm forgetting someone, but whatever. It was still amazing though and I loved every minute of it. Blake said it was "like Bush Gardens without the roller coasters", and it totally was. There was a lot of walking and standing out in the sun, and everything was in a big loop with tents and tables on either side of the sidewalk for merch and stuff. It was soooo hot and I felt really nasty, but as soon as we started jumping around to all the bands, it didn't matter. I have a terrible sunburn and blisters all over my feet, but I would've stayed there longer if I could. I'm definitely going back next year, because there were so many people I wanted to see. Ahhh, I had such a good time :)

I leave on Friday to go up to New York. I'm kinda glad to get away from everything, but I'm gonna miss my friends like crazy. A lot has been on my mind lately and even in the 7-or-so hours I was at Warped yesterday, nothing bothered me at all. I hope I can hang out with Kara before I leave though, and I'm planning a special surprise for Melanie's birthday. I hope Blake and Kara call and pick me up today, because they were talking about doing that yesterday. So, if you want to; call me! I really want to hang out.

I guess I'd better go. My little sister wants me to make her scrambled eggs :P
I'll write again before I leave for NY <3

Oh pretty girl, what gave you the right to steal my heart? It's in your hands.

These past couple of days have been really good. I've mostly only seen Kara, but I'm just fine with that. We went to fireworks on Tuesday, but we were only there for an hour or so because we left so late. I saw Leemor and Katie Doyle though which was really nice. I love those girls. Wednesday I didn't do anything, I just hung out at home. Then Thursday, I went over to Kara's house, and we walked around for a while and hung out at the elementary school playground. It started to storm though, so we walked up to Burger King where my mom picked us up and took us to Blockbuster. We got Bubble Boy and King of California, and they were both very good.
Friday was kinda interesting. Kara and I had this crazy plan from a long time ago that we would try to walk from each other's houses and meet half way, so today we did that. For people who don't know, I live in the middle of Spanish Wells, and she lives in a neighborhood near the elementary school on Gum Tree Rd. That's a pretty far walk, but we did it. We went to my dad's office after we met though, and he drove us to my house. We watched movies and stayed around there for the next couple of hours until around 8 when my mom took her home.
It has stormed for two nights this week, and I like it. I was freaking out the other day though because Kara and I were on the playground when it started moving in, and I wanted to get inside before it really started.

I love Melanie. I just got back from her house and Mi Tierras, and I had a really good time. I don't really remember much, but Terry and Gage were there at the restaurant, and they're really cool. I love hanging out with Melanie, and Terry and Gage are two really nice guys. I had a lot of fun today, and I hope I can do that again sometime soon.

My hands are shaking, and I can't go downstairs because my cheeks are red and my face is burning hot. I think I got Kara really mad at me though, because I called her. I'm the worst at that, and if she reads this, I'm still sorry. I know I said it a million times, but I am. The reason I always say "I'm sorry" over and over is because I don't want to lose you for something stupid that I've done. That's my biggest fear ever; that you've been upset or hurt in any way, and it's because of me. Like that one time on the last day of Spring Break, I'm still sorry for that too. I'm always going to be, and you're always going to say that it's fine.

Anywayy,
WARPED TOUR IS FREAKING TOMORROW! Ohmygod, I'm so unbelievably excited. I've been wanting to go to Warped for as long as I could remember, and tomorrow it's actually happening.
I can't wait.
When I get back from Warped though, I have only 3 days to get ready for a family trip to New York. I'm actually pretty excited, but I'm missing Melanie's birthday and I'm gonna die from not seeing Kara. I'm gonna be gone for 2 weeks, and when I get back I'm leaving for another trip down to Daytona Beach where my dad's racing for a weekend. I kinda hate family vacations, so it's gonna be hard. I'm just gonna try and enjoy the time I have here while I can, and it's only a couple of weeks.

I'm gonna go now,
but I'll write after Warped Tour :D
I'm so excited!

It's a strange way of saying I know I'm supposed to love you.

It's so weird how one moment, one decision, one day, or one phone call can completely change everything. That sounds really cheesy, but it definitely can. Today was really good in many more ways then one. For the first time in such a long time, I actually felt good 90% of the day. Theres still a lot of stuff I want to work out and make better, but I feel like things are kinda falling into place. I don't know if it's bad how emotional I've been getting over stuff lately, especially since I feel like everything is pretty much okay now. Just like that.
Whatever though, there's a lotttt that still needs to be worked out between me and...people. I'm just glad that I'm at a point where I can just chill out for a while. I'm begining to get that feeling where everything's getting lifted off my shoulders, I guess. I can't really describe it any other way. Now I need to focus on my friends, because from what I could tell, some people are having problems of their own. I want things to be better, as I explained in my last post. I'm going to work on that now, especially since I'm in a better mood. I hope I didn't just jinx everything though. I like being this way.

Today was just a really good day. I woke up early and went to my little sisters' riding lessons, because thats the only way I could get down to Coligny. When I got there, I ate lunch with my mom and sisters, then called Blake and went down to his work. I made some new foreign friends with his co-workers! or at least I think so. I hope they liked me, but one of them just sat back and giggled at everything that happened, so I don't know. After a while, Blake texted Kara and told her to come, and she did. We sat around there for some time but then his boss showed up or something, so we left. We walked around for a while, and then I got money from my mom and we went to Java Joe's. After that, I talked my mom into letting her come over for a couple of hours. We watched old All That episodes and hung around my house, and right there I was happy. I wasn't thinking about anything that was bothering me, and I was sitting there with my favorite person in the world, watching All That; the greatest show ever.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Leemor Benny called me. Leemor and I haven't talked in a while, and even though I had to call her back because Kara was there, I was still glad she called. After Kara left, Leemor and I had a really great conversation about everything imaginable. It was long overdue because her and I used to be so close. I used to call her if anything at all was bothering me, and talking to her today made me feel like everything was alright again. Hopefully I'll see her tomorrow at fireworks, because I miss her.
After talking with Leemor, I called my buddy Timmy! He's one cool kid, and we've made some plans to hang out tomorrow. I'm super excited because I always have a good time when I'm with him. Katie Handley might join us too, and that's nice. I haven't seen her since school let out.

One of my friends has picked up a really bad habit, and I don't think she's listening to me when I try to get her to stop. I want her to listen so badly but I don't know if she is. I don't know about anything anymore in that situation, but I think everything's going to be better. Whatever happens is obviously for the best, but I'm not going to force anything.

Tomorrow has the makings to be a really good day, so I hope it goes well.

One week until Warped Tour :DDDD

So don't go worrying about me. It's not like I think about this constantly.

I can't sleep, and my head's fucking pounding. I haven't had a headache like this in so long, ugh. So I figured I'd just write.
Today was pretty good. Me and Kara just hung out around Coligny. It was only us two, and I always like that. She's just a good person to be with and I'm always so happy. I don't know what I'd do without her because lately, everything has been so sucky. You'd know that if you've read my other blogs.
Things have changed so much. I know life is about change, but I don't think I'm ready for everything thats been happening around me recently. Around this time last year, I was so different. I was going into my second year of high school and I was just happy to be alive. I had a close group of friends, and we were always doing something together. I got drunk for the very first time that summer, and I remember what a big deal it was. I was dating a guy named Evan, and my best friend was so crazy about her cute, innocent little boyfriend. I don't know when things started getting so bad. I wish I did though and I could fix it. I can't stand all of this. It doesn't seem like I'm living my life right now. I know that doesn't make sense, but it feels like I'm just waiting here for things to change. Like I'm in a movie and things will get better because...it has to. Everything is going be okay again and work itself out. But it's not, and this is my life.
My mind has been racing since Bridget left my house a couple of days ago, and I can't find anything to keep myself from thinking about all this shit. Thats why I'm glad I got to see my girlfriend today because thats when I was truly, 100% happy. My mind was off of all that stuff and I didn't have to think about anything. I was just thinking about her and how lucky I was to be there. As much as I would like to be able to be with her every second of every day so that could happen, I know it's impossible.
I want all of this to be over and everyone to go back to their careless, happy, fun lives. The way it used to be.
Thats not going to happen though, because nothing is ever going to be the same. Ever.
Knowing that makes me so incredibly sad, and I want to cry.

I'm going to try and sleep now. I need to wake up in 5 hours so I can maybe see Kara again.
Whatever. Goodnight.

They will see us waving from such great hights. "Come down now" they'll say, but everything looks perfect from far away.

Okay, I don't understand how someone can just decide they don't want to be friends anymore. Like, if you really care about someone, you could make it work if you really want to.
I hate how my life is going right now. I feel like I don't have anyone. I've lost so many good friends in the past couple of months. Just one after another...people stop calling and I don't know what I've done wrong. I used to have so many people to talk to and hang out with, but those people are off doing other things. And now, even my closest friend has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be "close" anymore. What does that even mean? Like, we can't call each other anymore or have sleepovers or anything?
It just seems like I have no one now. I used to feel so...cared for; I don't even know what else to call it. I mean, I just used to feel so popular and loved, but as of right now, I feel pathetic and lonely beyond belief. I just wish I could find out what I did and do everything over.
I hate the way everything is in my life. I feel like a fucking bum, and I hate it.

Ugh, this is lame. I'm going to sleep.

We do the best we can in a small town. Act like kids in love when the sun goes down.

Its been a while since I last wrote here, or at least it seems like it. Different things have happened. Some good, some bad. The plans I was talking about before weren't really rescheduled, but I did hang out with just my friend for a while. We got ice cream at the grocery store and drove around. It was fun and I'm glad we got to chill.
The Young Man Carbuncular concert was 2 days ago, and it was nice. There weren't a lot of people there, but I liked the music and I got to hang out with Melanie and Kara.
Yesterday was nice too, but it got really bad towards the end. My mom and I picked up Bridget and brought her back to the island. She was supposed to spend the night, but I'll explain what happened with that later.
So, when we got home, we stayed around my house for a little bit, making mac n' cheese and stuff, then we went to Melanie's. After being there for like 5 minutes, we decided to go to the beach. My mom drove us and we just hung out there for a couple hours.
When we went to Stu's though, things started getting ugly. Between the 3 of us, we only had $19, and we were worried that we wouldn't be able to pay for our meals. My mom was picking us up anyway, so I called and asked if she could bring some extra money just in case. Of course she started freaking out because...thats what she does. She was all upset because she thinks Bridget mooches money off her all the time, but thats not true at all. So whatever, my mom gets to the restaurant, and we start to leave because it turns out we did have enough money. No big deal. But my mom found the need to call Bridget out in the middle of the street, yelling at her about how she never has money and blah blah blah. Needless to say, Bridget packed up and left my house when we got home. She spent the night at Melanie's and apparently her mom's really upset with my mom. I don't blame her though, no one likes my mom. She always starts unnecessary drama and causes problems with everything. Someone even said she was like an immature high school girl. She's still my mom and I have to love her, but she gets so crazy sometimes. I mean, my best friend actually moved out of my house because of everything that was happening. That's ridiculous. I'm sorry, Bridget, for everything thats happened. I really am. Its so stupid, but you're my best friend and I hope you don't think I'm crazy like my mom.

Whatever, Today was stupid too. The 4th of July was just as lame as Father's Day. I was forced to stay home with my family because it was "a holiday", but we didn't even do anything. I dyed my hair and talked on the phone. Thats it.
We saw the fireworks at my grandparent's apartment in Hilton Head Plantation, but it was just a bunch of old people and drunk 20 year olds. And my mom was drunk too. Every time a firework would go off, she would scream "Bang! Bang! Pow pow!" and it was embarrassing.
I'm gonna try to get my mom to drive me to Coligny tomorrow so I can hang with Kara. I haven't seen her since the concert and I'm missing herrrrrr.

& oh my gosh! My parents said "yes" for sure to Warped Tour. I'm so excited and we're going in 10 days. I'm going with Kara, Taylor Beck, and Blake. It's going to be so fun. ah! :D

I'm tired, so I'm gonna head off to bed now.
:) Nighty night.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.

Kay, so yesterday was a really really good today. Kara came over, and we watched 28 Days Later and went to the beach. And found a dog we named Filbert! It was a girl dog, but she responded well to "Filbert", so I just called her that.
My mom digs 28 Days Later, which is weird. I didn't think she would like it. She did though, and so did Kara, so I was happy. My moms the worst person to watch a movie with. She talks and asks questions, and it's really annoying. She did that with Juno too. She was like "Was she a virgin?! I hope her parents aren't okay with this..."
Needless to say, yesterday was a very nice day. I hope I can have more days like that this summer.

Today was supposed to be fun too, but things got canceled. I wasn't surprised though because the person I was gonna hang out with usually does that. We've grown a lot apart over the past couple months. We used to be best best friends, and then out of no where: everything stopped. We've only hung out once this summer, and it was awkward beyond belief. I wish we could've followed through with our plans tonight, but I guess it was for the best. She had her other friends to hang out with, so I understand. It just bums me out because we were so close, and I've never lost a friend like that. I've lost friends because they changed or something, but never just like POOF! no more calling, no more making plans. I don't know why, it just happened...
I just wish she would've told me earlier too, because then I could've come up with something else to do. Maybe I could've gone to Allenwood and helped Kara babysit her friends. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then you don't need to know. I'm glad she didn't do anything, but I hope she's telling the truth when she says she doesn't want to do it anymore.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, because I guess we rescheduled everything for tomorrow. Who knows what will happen though, maybe that will fall through again. Tomorrow just better be good, because today stunk.

Wednesday is the YMC concert!
I'm actually kind-of excited.

I think I'll end this now, I'm tired and feel sick from eating too much Taco Bell.
night! <3

In the chance my hands are eaten by sharks, you would hold my stubs as we walk through parks.

Okay, so I lied. The blog I posted on 6/24 wasn't my last one for a while. Mostly because I'm really sick and have nothing to do. Also because I have things to write about.
So, lots of people now have blogs on blogspot, which kinda makes me want to delete mine. I think blogs are nice though, and I like to read Bridget's and Melanie's. They're the coolest. I actually hung out with Melanie last night, but my fever came back when I was there, so we didn't have that crazy of a time. We did manage to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashian's, which is one of my favorite shows, and we had a really nice conversation about boys and gossip and other fun things in her pool. I just wish I wasn't so unwell because Bridget and Melanie were talking about seeing a movie tonight. I was really excited to go, but my mom made it pretty clear that I wasn't doing anything today. I thought I was feeling better yesterday afternoon, but I almost passed out in the queso dip at Mi Tierras. I realllly wasn't feeling good.
I don't know whats wrong with me, but it sucks. I should probably take off Kara's sweatshirt because my fevers making me sweat like a whore in church, but I love it too much. Plus, she's already agreed to take it every once and a while to wash it so it smells like her. Now it smells like incense, Kara, and something else I can't place. Maybe it's my shampoo. Whatever.
My shampoo is the greatest, by the way. It's made from hemp.
Another thing I wanted to bring up is how gross Denny's is. Bridget and Katie Doyle must remember our little experience after the Motion City Soundtrack concert last year. I won't get into the details, but we all almost threw up in the parking lot. I don't even know why they're still around, because they're terrible. All that agree, say "Yeah!".
Maybe I should start a protesting group against Denny's. I need to do research on how many people have died from all the grease they put in their food. I'm sure people have. It's outrageous.
I need a job. The guy from Bravo Pizza called yesterday and said that they hired someone else before I turned in my application, but he'll give me a call as soon as something frees up. Finding a job is so frustrating, but maybe it's just me because I'm desperate.

I think I'm going to end this thing now because I think my fever's starting to spike again. I'm shaking and it's getting hard to keep my eyes open. My mom says I look like someone on The Addams Family. Wow, great.

If you're reading this and know my house phone number, feel free to call. I'm going to be bored as hell and not allowed to leave my house.
<3 :)