Before I take a ride in that long black hearse I don't wanna die in the hospital, you gotta take me back outside.

As of right now, I'm in Corning, New York. It's really hot in this hotel room and I'm sneaking on my dad's laptop because I'm not really supposed to be on it. I was talking on the phone with Kara before, and she was at Blake's. I'd kill to be there right now. I hate it here, I really do. I'm having a horrible time with my family and I miss people a lot. My mom hasn't stopped bitching since we left home and my little sisters are only happy when they're playing Nintendo or watching TV. I can't say I'm much better though because all I've been thinking about is getting home or talking on the phone.
I thought that coming here was what I wanted, but I was wrong. I need to be home trying to fix things with people and being happy. I'm not happy here. It's only a family trip, yeah, and we're getting back on Sunday, but I really can't take it anymore. I've completely broken down crying 3 times in the past 2 days, and that's pathetic. I just want to be home so bad. I want to be around people I actually get along with.
It's a lot more then just getting space from my family though, I feel like I'm moving farther and farther away from people the longer I stay up here. Like people are forgetting about me. I don't want that to happen anymore, because that was going on before I even left. The day of Melanie's party though, I was having a really good time with people I really liked, so I thought things were getting better. When I got up here, no one called me and I haven't really kept in contact with anyone but Kara.
I just want to go home and get away from my stupid family. Don't get me wrong, it could be a lot worse. I'm a teenager though, and theres only so much I can take. I miss my girlfriend more then I thought I would, and it's killing me.
Whatever. Only a couple more days, I guess.

I got the mic and you got the mosh pit.

Well, today is Friday and it's been 3 days since I last wrote. Not too much as happened. Kara and I's 6th month anniversary was Wednesday, and I got to hang out with her for the good part of the day. I went over to her house, then we went to the elementary school playground, then to Starbucks/Barnes and Noble, then to Wal-Mart where my dad picked us up. I discovered my new love for Wal-Mart sports, and for those of you who don't know what that is; it's exactly what it sounds like. You just go to the sports equipment section and play! I totally kicked her butt in everything, except for one. I think it was Ore and Nurf Ball Hockey, but I'm not sure. I hope I can go back and do that again sometime. I had so much fun.
Today was Melanie's birthday. She had a bunch of people get together, and we all went putt-putting then to her house afterwards. It was a lot of fun. No one really took the golfing seriously, so we left before we got the the 18th hole. After that we went to her dad's and hung out at her pool. Terry, Gage, Garret B., Bridget, Desirée, Anna, and Kara were all there, and they're pretty cool kids so it was nice. It was weird at times though. Like, I think I patched things up with someone I was having some trouble with, or at least I hope so. It was a good day overall, and I'm glad because I'm leaving for NY tomorrow. I really wanted to have a good day today, and I did.
Ever since I was like 13, I've completely hated family trips. I get really emotional and frantic before we leave, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I miss my friends or maybe it's because I never really have a good time with my family, I don't know. But really, right this minute, I'm actually okay with leaving for awhile. I've been feeling really lonely and useless lately. I know leaving won't make that any better, but I think a change in scenery will be good. Plus, I love where we're visiting. We're going up to Keuka Lake and to Corning where my mom and dad grew up. It's gorgeous up there and I get to see all my family, which is nice. I actually wish I could just stay up there. I feel like I don't have anyone anymore. Well, maybe one or two people, but still. I've just been lonely and angry and sad and almost like...heartbroken. It's weird. I don't like how things are and I want them to get fixed. Running away to New York won't do that, but it's going to get my mind off things. I'm totally fine with that, but I'm going to miss one person like crazyyyyy. & My mom said I'm not allowed to make phone calls while I'm up there (not like anyone's going to want to talk to me, but still.) I hope that one person stays out of trouble and doesn't forget about me. I know it's only 2 weeks, but that's a pretty long time. Terry says that anything longer then a week sucks to be away from your partner. So yeah.

I think Melanie and Bridget just called me. It was a 617 number so my mom picked it up, and she was like "Someone with a very high voice named Steve wants to talk to you!". So I picked it up and they were saying something about seeing me on myspace and if I had a boyfriend and stuff. I asked if it was Bridget because it sounded exactly like her with a squeakier voice, and there was laughing in the background. It was funny.

Anyway, I need to get off and pack because I told my mom I was all ready to go, but I'm not at all. I don't even have all my clothes together.
So, for the next two weeks I'll be stuck on a lake with no TV, internet, or phone, and I'm fine with it. I just hope things won't be like I left them when I get back.
<3 :)

Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.

So, Warped Tour was yesterday and it was one of the greatest things I've ever done. I had a blast, don't get me wrong, but it was so different then I thought it would be. There were a bunch of different stages with people playing at the same time, so there were a lot of people I didn't get to see. I got to see Mayday Parade, 3oh!3, Reel Big Fish, The Academy Is..., a little bit of Set Your Goals, Katy Perry, Alesana, and The Pink Spiders. I think I'm forgetting someone, but whatever. It was still amazing though and I loved every minute of it. Blake said it was "like Bush Gardens without the roller coasters", and it totally was. There was a lot of walking and standing out in the sun, and everything was in a big loop with tents and tables on either side of the sidewalk for merch and stuff. It was soooo hot and I felt really nasty, but as soon as we started jumping around to all the bands, it didn't matter. I have a terrible sunburn and blisters all over my feet, but I would've stayed there longer if I could. I'm definitely going back next year, because there were so many people I wanted to see. Ahhh, I had such a good time :)

I leave on Friday to go up to New York. I'm kinda glad to get away from everything, but I'm gonna miss my friends like crazy. A lot has been on my mind lately and even in the 7-or-so hours I was at Warped yesterday, nothing bothered me at all. I hope I can hang out with Kara before I leave though, and I'm planning a special surprise for Melanie's birthday. I hope Blake and Kara call and pick me up today, because they were talking about doing that yesterday. So, if you want to; call me! I really want to hang out.

I guess I'd better go. My little sister wants me to make her scrambled eggs :P
I'll write again before I leave for NY <3

Oh pretty girl, what gave you the right to steal my heart? It's in your hands.

These past couple of days have been really good. I've mostly only seen Kara, but I'm just fine with that. We went to fireworks on Tuesday, but we were only there for an hour or so because we left so late. I saw Leemor and Katie Doyle though which was really nice. I love those girls. Wednesday I didn't do anything, I just hung out at home. Then Thursday, I went over to Kara's house, and we walked around for a while and hung out at the elementary school playground. It started to storm though, so we walked up to Burger King where my mom picked us up and took us to Blockbuster. We got Bubble Boy and King of California, and they were both very good.
Friday was kinda interesting. Kara and I had this crazy plan from a long time ago that we would try to walk from each other's houses and meet half way, so today we did that. For people who don't know, I live in the middle of Spanish Wells, and she lives in a neighborhood near the elementary school on Gum Tree Rd. That's a pretty far walk, but we did it. We went to my dad's office after we met though, and he drove us to my house. We watched movies and stayed around there for the next couple of hours until around 8 when my mom took her home.
It has stormed for two nights this week, and I like it. I was freaking out the other day though because Kara and I were on the playground when it started moving in, and I wanted to get inside before it really started.

I love Melanie. I just got back from her house and Mi Tierras, and I had a really good time. I don't really remember much, but Terry and Gage were there at the restaurant, and they're really cool. I love hanging out with Melanie, and Terry and Gage are two really nice guys. I had a lot of fun today, and I hope I can do that again sometime soon.

My hands are shaking, and I can't go downstairs because my cheeks are red and my face is burning hot. I think I got Kara really mad at me though, because I called her. I'm the worst at that, and if she reads this, I'm still sorry. I know I said it a million times, but I am. The reason I always say "I'm sorry" over and over is because I don't want to lose you for something stupid that I've done. That's my biggest fear ever; that you've been upset or hurt in any way, and it's because of me. Like that one time on the last day of Spring Break, I'm still sorry for that too. I'm always going to be, and you're always going to say that it's fine.

Anywayy,
WARPED TOUR IS FREAKING TOMORROW! Ohmygod, I'm so unbelievably excited. I've been wanting to go to Warped for as long as I could remember, and tomorrow it's actually happening.
I can't wait.
When I get back from Warped though, I have only 3 days to get ready for a family trip to New York. I'm actually pretty excited, but I'm missing Melanie's birthday and I'm gonna die from not seeing Kara. I'm gonna be gone for 2 weeks, and when I get back I'm leaving for another trip down to Daytona Beach where my dad's racing for a weekend. I kinda hate family vacations, so it's gonna be hard. I'm just gonna try and enjoy the time I have here while I can, and it's only a couple of weeks.

I'm gonna go now,
but I'll write after Warped Tour :D
I'm so excited!

It's a strange way of saying I know I'm supposed to love you.

It's so weird how one moment, one decision, one day, or one phone call can completely change everything. That sounds really cheesy, but it definitely can. Today was really good in many more ways then one. For the first time in such a long time, I actually felt good 90% of the day. Theres still a lot of stuff I want to work out and make better, but I feel like things are kinda falling into place. I don't know if it's bad how emotional I've been getting over stuff lately, especially since I feel like everything is pretty much okay now. Just like that.
Whatever though, there's a lotttt that still needs to be worked out between me and...people. I'm just glad that I'm at a point where I can just chill out for a while. I'm begining to get that feeling where everything's getting lifted off my shoulders, I guess. I can't really describe it any other way. Now I need to focus on my friends, because from what I could tell, some people are having problems of their own. I want things to be better, as I explained in my last post. I'm going to work on that now, especially since I'm in a better mood. I hope I didn't just jinx everything though. I like being this way.

Today was just a really good day. I woke up early and went to my little sisters' riding lessons, because thats the only way I could get down to Coligny. When I got there, I ate lunch with my mom and sisters, then called Blake and went down to his work. I made some new foreign friends with his co-workers! or at least I think so. I hope they liked me, but one of them just sat back and giggled at everything that happened, so I don't know. After a while, Blake texted Kara and told her to come, and she did. We sat around there for some time but then his boss showed up or something, so we left. We walked around for a while, and then I got money from my mom and we went to Java Joe's. After that, I talked my mom into letting her come over for a couple of hours. We watched old All That episodes and hung around my house, and right there I was happy. I wasn't thinking about anything that was bothering me, and I was sitting there with my favorite person in the world, watching All That; the greatest show ever.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Leemor Benny called me. Leemor and I haven't talked in a while, and even though I had to call her back because Kara was there, I was still glad she called. After Kara left, Leemor and I had a really great conversation about everything imaginable. It was long overdue because her and I used to be so close. I used to call her if anything at all was bothering me, and talking to her today made me feel like everything was alright again. Hopefully I'll see her tomorrow at fireworks, because I miss her.
After talking with Leemor, I called my buddy Timmy! He's one cool kid, and we've made some plans to hang out tomorrow. I'm super excited because I always have a good time when I'm with him. Katie Handley might join us too, and that's nice. I haven't seen her since school let out.

One of my friends has picked up a really bad habit, and I don't think she's listening to me when I try to get her to stop. I want her to listen so badly but I don't know if she is. I don't know about anything anymore in that situation, but I think everything's going to be better. Whatever happens is obviously for the best, but I'm not going to force anything.

Tomorrow has the makings to be a really good day, so I hope it goes well.

One week until Warped Tour :DDDD

So don't go worrying about me. It's not like I think about this constantly.

I can't sleep, and my head's fucking pounding. I haven't had a headache like this in so long, ugh. So I figured I'd just write.
Today was pretty good. Me and Kara just hung out around Coligny. It was only us two, and I always like that. She's just a good person to be with and I'm always so happy. I don't know what I'd do without her because lately, everything has been so sucky. You'd know that if you've read my other blogs.
Things have changed so much. I know life is about change, but I don't think I'm ready for everything thats been happening around me recently. Around this time last year, I was so different. I was going into my second year of high school and I was just happy to be alive. I had a close group of friends, and we were always doing something together. I got drunk for the very first time that summer, and I remember what a big deal it was. I was dating a guy named Evan, and my best friend was so crazy about her cute, innocent little boyfriend. I don't know when things started getting so bad. I wish I did though and I could fix it. I can't stand all of this. It doesn't seem like I'm living my life right now. I know that doesn't make sense, but it feels like I'm just waiting here for things to change. Like I'm in a movie and things will get better because...it has to. Everything is going be okay again and work itself out. But it's not, and this is my life.
My mind has been racing since Bridget left my house a couple of days ago, and I can't find anything to keep myself from thinking about all this shit. Thats why I'm glad I got to see my girlfriend today because thats when I was truly, 100% happy. My mind was off of all that stuff and I didn't have to think about anything. I was just thinking about her and how lucky I was to be there. As much as I would like to be able to be with her every second of every day so that could happen, I know it's impossible.
I want all of this to be over and everyone to go back to their careless, happy, fun lives. The way it used to be.
Thats not going to happen though, because nothing is ever going to be the same. Ever.
Knowing that makes me so incredibly sad, and I want to cry.

I'm going to try and sleep now. I need to wake up in 5 hours so I can maybe see Kara again.
Whatever. Goodnight.

They will see us waving from such great hights. "Come down now" they'll say, but everything looks perfect from far away.

Okay, I don't understand how someone can just decide they don't want to be friends anymore. Like, if you really care about someone, you could make it work if you really want to.
I hate how my life is going right now. I feel like I don't have anyone. I've lost so many good friends in the past couple of months. Just one after another...people stop calling and I don't know what I've done wrong. I used to have so many people to talk to and hang out with, but those people are off doing other things. And now, even my closest friend has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be "close" anymore. What does that even mean? Like, we can't call each other anymore or have sleepovers or anything?
It just seems like I have no one now. I used to feel so...cared for; I don't even know what else to call it. I mean, I just used to feel so popular and loved, but as of right now, I feel pathetic and lonely beyond belief. I just wish I could find out what I did and do everything over.
I hate the way everything is in my life. I feel like a fucking bum, and I hate it.

Ugh, this is lame. I'm going to sleep.

We do the best we can in a small town. Act like kids in love when the sun goes down.

Its been a while since I last wrote here, or at least it seems like it. Different things have happened. Some good, some bad. The plans I was talking about before weren't really rescheduled, but I did hang out with just my friend for a while. We got ice cream at the grocery store and drove around. It was fun and I'm glad we got to chill.
The Young Man Carbuncular concert was 2 days ago, and it was nice. There weren't a lot of people there, but I liked the music and I got to hang out with Melanie and Kara.
Yesterday was nice too, but it got really bad towards the end. My mom and I picked up Bridget and brought her back to the island. She was supposed to spend the night, but I'll explain what happened with that later.
So, when we got home, we stayed around my house for a little bit, making mac n' cheese and stuff, then we went to Melanie's. After being there for like 5 minutes, we decided to go to the beach. My mom drove us and we just hung out there for a couple hours.
When we went to Stu's though, things started getting ugly. Between the 3 of us, we only had $19, and we were worried that we wouldn't be able to pay for our meals. My mom was picking us up anyway, so I called and asked if she could bring some extra money just in case. Of course she started freaking out because...thats what she does. She was all upset because she thinks Bridget mooches money off her all the time, but thats not true at all. So whatever, my mom gets to the restaurant, and we start to leave because it turns out we did have enough money. No big deal. But my mom found the need to call Bridget out in the middle of the street, yelling at her about how she never has money and blah blah blah. Needless to say, Bridget packed up and left my house when we got home. She spent the night at Melanie's and apparently her mom's really upset with my mom. I don't blame her though, no one likes my mom. She always starts unnecessary drama and causes problems with everything. Someone even said she was like an immature high school girl. She's still my mom and I have to love her, but she gets so crazy sometimes. I mean, my best friend actually moved out of my house because of everything that was happening. That's ridiculous. I'm sorry, Bridget, for everything thats happened. I really am. Its so stupid, but you're my best friend and I hope you don't think I'm crazy like my mom.

Whatever, Today was stupid too. The 4th of July was just as lame as Father's Day. I was forced to stay home with my family because it was "a holiday", but we didn't even do anything. I dyed my hair and talked on the phone. Thats it.
We saw the fireworks at my grandparent's apartment in Hilton Head Plantation, but it was just a bunch of old people and drunk 20 year olds. And my mom was drunk too. Every time a firework would go off, she would scream "Bang! Bang! Pow pow!" and it was embarrassing.
I'm gonna try to get my mom to drive me to Coligny tomorrow so I can hang with Kara. I haven't seen her since the concert and I'm missing herrrrrr.

& oh my gosh! My parents said "yes" for sure to Warped Tour. I'm so excited and we're going in 10 days. I'm going with Kara, Taylor Beck, and Blake. It's going to be so fun. ah! :D

I'm tired, so I'm gonna head off to bed now.
:) Nighty night.