A moment of silence, please, for those who never get the chance.

I'm leaving for 2 weeks in 4 days.
I don't want to leave. I tried making a deal with my mom, but I'm still gonna go. She's promised me a lot of things though, so I'm not letting her ignore that. I'm not letting her ruin my next 4 days either. I don't care if it's my sister's birthday. I'm enjoying myself.
Wow, I'm selfish.

I want a car. I want to pick you up. I don't know how I'll see you today.
Maybe I can get a ride or something.

I'm in love with the band Foreign Born. I've been listening to them almost constantly since yesterday. Along with Streetlight Manifesto. I'm trying to figure out the song that I fell to, but sadly I don't remember much of that moment. I wish I could take it back. Whatever.

I decided that I'm going to convince my mom to let me text on this trip. That way I can keep in contact with people a little better. I think that's why I hate family vacations so much. I don't want to miss anything. And I feel like I won't be able to...protect you? I know that's not it. But I think that's the best way to put it into words.

I hate myself. I'm a stupid, bad friend. I can't believe I did that. It's not your fault by any means. I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions. And boy, did I. I made one that fucked it up for everyone. For Cody, for your mom, and you. As much as you say it didn't, it did. So much money was wasted. Fucking $2249 was spent on me in one day, and that's not counting all the useless stuff we bought at the show. I don't even want to be reminded of it. I lied when I said I really wanted to have a tee-shirt. I was just hoping you'd stay and salvage what's left of the day; of the summer. I'm so fucking stupid. I've never, ever felt this low in my life. I will never forgive myself and I'll never live this down. I really hate myself right now. It's scary.
I'm leaving in 5 days for a two week vacation with my family, and I thought that maybe things would be okay if I had Warped to think of. To be like "Well, it's okay that I'm here because Warped was so fun, and my best friends had a good time". God, I'm so stupid. And no one even cared to check up on me. Stupid Melanie couldn't even pick up her phone when I was in the medical tent. All I wanted was for her to come and say "hi" before I left. I was excited for her to be there. But no.
Now it's 5 days of hanging around before I'm gone for 2 weeks. 2 weeks of having to expain to my relatives how it happened, and my mom cackling over me. This was supposed to be the best summer ever. My last real summer of high school.
I had been looking forward to that the whole time. ALL FUCKING SUMMER. That was our thing. We didn't go on any trips. We barely broke into the list of things we wanted to this year. Warped was one of the things. I don't even think it's worth it to cross it off the list. We waited in line longer then we were there. I hate this.
I need to get out of here.
I don't think this is a funny story I can tell people when I grow up. This isn't something we'll laugh about later. This isn't something that I've learned a lesson from. Yeah, I've learned that I'm a stupid, selfish, compulsive, awful friend.
$2249, a hospital trip, 5 hours there, 5 hours back, Warped tour tickets, 2 1/2 hours standing in line, not to mention all the worrying and effort...all wasted on me. fuck.

I wish you would call me.
Maybe I'll just call you. No. It's early.

I won't.
I've ruined enough things already.
I don't want to make you stop dreaming just to listen to me.

I want Moe's.

Tonight was really, really fun.
I can't wait for tomorrow.

Hm,
okay. Bye.

Enjoy your worries, you may never have them again.

I'm tired. This is probably going to get deleted by tomorrow.

I've been thinking.

I need to stop thinking that I'm smarter then everyone else.
I really want to get my haircut by Kara's cousin before Warped, but I don't think she wants to. I'll pay her and all but I don't know.
I'm so excited for Warped. I just wish we could stay somewhere over night. Why does there have to be the ghetto?
I really wish I went to prom this year. I think I wouldn't resent my mom as much. I feel like she owes me. Maybe I can convince her that she owes me 5 days in Maine with my girlfriend. Right now she's set on "no".
I want to go to Sonic tomorrow with Jessica, Haley, Kaeyanta, and Kara. I dunno. Just for something different.
You know what would be different? Hanging out with you on your birthday.

Maybe I'll just paint pottery with Kara tomorrow. That sounds really nice, actually.
I hope you know how beautiful you look. Really. I love your haircut and I love you so, so much.

I might go to sleep now.
My head is pounding.

In pastures blue and green, I'll follow you and you'll follow me.

I realized I had 69 posts,
and I was sick of looking at that, so I'm writing this.

Warped is in 10 days. I'm so incredibly excited.
I want to see
1. A Day to Remember
2. Attack Attack
3. Dance Gavin Dance
4. Forever the Sickest Kids
5. InnerPartySystem
6. Jefferee Star (just because)
7. Streetlight Manifesto
8. TV/TV
9. The AKA's
10. Saosin
11. Less Than Jake
12. He Is Legend
:)
I don't have to work until Thursday.
My mom won't let me get that kitten. That makes me angry.
Why won't you just call me?
I want to go shopping and I want a car. I have a lot of places I need to go.
I got a free pair of jeans from work yesterday. I wish it was cold enough to wear them.
I feel like biking 5 miles again today. I want to get in shape.
...
I started writing this a couple days ago.
I ordered me and Kara's Warped Tour tickets today. When I started writing this, it was 10 days away.
Now it's only 8.
Apparently Jeffree Star got into a fight at the last one though. Ha. Amazing.
I'm so excited. Like, beyond excited. Maybe even more then I was last year.
It's just me and my friends; no parents, no one to tell us that we have to go home. We can stay all night if we want to.
:D
So happy.

Today was pretty blah, and I know it was because of me. Someone will argue that it wasn't but it really was. I make things difficult and blow things out of proportion. I'm okay though. I'm ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to be good. The past 2-3 days have been great, today was eh, and tomorrow will be good. I work though. Hopefully not with Charlie.
Assface.

I'm gonna go work on my EA Skate game.

YOU: thanks for calling me back.
I wish I could actually talk to you about this. I'm lame.
I want to be best friends again.

byee!

But the clouds aren't leering up and I've come reveling, burning incandescently.

Someone got some sticky shit on my computer, right on the screen. Probably my fat, obnoxious sister. She needs an attitude adjustment. I was never like that in 7th/8th grade. I have the urge to slap her across the face every time she opens her mouth, whether it's to eat or make a stupid comment. Which is ALL THE TIME. When she's not eating, she's talking.
She had two breakfasts today.

What terrible weather. I just realized that I don't know how to spell "weather". Thank you, spell check.
I like this weather though. It gives me an excuse to lay around and be lazy in the mornings. I spent 2 hours laying there an listening to music today, before I decided to get on the computer and see if anything's happened...which nothing has.
I found my aunt and uncle on Facebook. They're like, 40. And I added them despite what my brain was telling me.

This morning hasn't been so great. I want to get out of this house. I want to do something we haven't done all summer. Something different.

I get paid tomorrow and the very first thing I'm doing is ordering my Warped Tour ticket. Or maybe that will be my 2nd or 3rd, because I really want this top from Loose Lucy's. And I want a kitten. I need someone to sell me a kitten without caring that I'm not 18 yet.

Last night, jumping in that pool was probably the most favorite thing I've done all summer. Or maybe 3rd or 4th favorite. It was spontaneous. I had control over it but I did it on an impulse. I like thinking like that. I haven't thought like that in a while.

I wish you would call me back. It's been an hour. I don't think you've been in the shower that long.
Ha, wow. I'm such a stalker.
I'm gonna go lay (lie?) down.

I really don't want to think about those things anymore.

I want to adopt a baby kitten and keep it in my room until it gets older and my dog won't eat it. Not to copy Melanie's idea or anything. Really. I just want a cat because they're cuddly and sometimes more affectionate than dogs. Plus they're super cute. My mom and sister are allergic to cats though, and don't care enough to maybe take some pills or try to develop an immunity to it. Whatever. Maybe I'll get one when I get older.

Speaking of you, thanks a lot. Thank you so much. I really needed you last night, and I really try. I was hoping that you'd come and help me. I thought I could count on you.
Someone told me once to keep trying to call you, and it's my fault we're not close anymore because I'm never there when you call. They said that I should try really hard and that you really want me to be a friend. That's shit. I believed them and I keep trying to call. But I give up. No more calling. Not for a while.
It seems like theres more effort put into your Facebook videos than being my friend.
But I don't care anymore.

I want to take a photography class at The Center of Photography at Woodstock. I want to ask Cody and Kara if they would come up and do one with me. Kara isn't really into photography like Cody and I, but I believe that she'd be really good at it. She's the most creative person I know and always does well in things she just...picks up.
I need to ask for time off of work though. But I'm thinking about quitting anyway. I hate my boss. Daniel's isn't calling me back. Maybe I'll just be unemployed for a while. Or maybe I'll just keep the job. I don't know.

I am so incredibly excited for Warped this year. I can't even stand it. I want to go on a trip so bad. Maybe I'll suggest a trip to Savannah sometime this week. But I work. Meh.
A change of scenery is very, very needed right now.

I'm gonna go.