Agh, the past couple of weeks have been so crazy. Most of it's been good though, which is nice. The bad days have been really bad though, like most of them are with me. I don't usually have just "okay" days. It's either really great, good, or terrible. Last Saturday and Sunday were terrible, Wednesday was terrible. And the problem with terrible days are that you keep thinking about them even though you have a good day. You can never go back and do them over, they're just always there. All three of my bad days were the result of my own stupid-ness so that makes it even harder. I'm sick of screwing things up, but I'm to lazy to change anything.
We have this whole next week off from school, which is the greatest thing ever. I got to go home early from school on Friday, and then hung out with my mom, then hung out with Kara, Alex, Cody, and Lynn for the rest of it. Today was nice too. I hung out with just Kara, which I like doing a lot.
My computer crashed with all my music and pictures and everything on it, so I have to use my dad's for stuff. It doesn't have flashplayer so I can't listen to music or anything. He blocked the site, I guess, so it won't install. It really bugs me.
I don't know who I support for president. Unlike most teenagers in America, I don't really like Barack Obama. I think he's a show-off and can't deliver all the promises he's making. Like, no taxes? I don't think so. He is the better of the two candidates though. I really don't like McCain.
I'm glad I'm not super sad like I was a while ago though. I go through a lot of periods when I'm just really sad and hate everything, but I'm not. I'm just like, wistful I guess. I need to stop thinking so much. It only gets me in trouble.
I hope tomorrow is really good. I want to do something really amazing and different,
but I can't think of anything because this island is so 'effing boring. I need some suggestions.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Let it flow like a mud slide.
I'm gonna start this entry now, but I don't think I'm gonna finish it. I have homework to do and I want to talk on the phone with Kara tonight. Today is our 9 month anniversary! I don't think anyone realizes how much I love this girl. I know I talk about it all the time, so I won't talk about it too much more. I'm just so glad we've made it this far, but it's not like it's that big of a challenge. She's the greatest and I love her :)
The past two days have been weird. They were great, and then really bad, and then good, then bad again. And this is all in the matter of a couple hours. Last night I got all upset because Kara was upset. Her and her mom haven't been getting along. Then my mom and I got into a fight because I didn't get off the phone when she told me to. When I woke up, everything just hit me again and I started crying because I just want my life to straighten out again. Some people like their lives to be exciting and different every day, and that's nice and all, but I feel like I have to much to do. Like, there's a difference between disorganized and different. I like different, not disorganized. After my grandma died, I got to school and found that I have a ton of homework and tests to make up, and grades close on Friday for the first semester. I'm pretty sure I'm failing at least 1 class. Then theres that awful musical my parents forced me to be in. It looks so dumb and I don't know any of the steps they went over when I was gone. I feel like an idiot. I feel really pressured all the time and on top of it all, my mom threw a little bitch fit about how I couldn't escort Kara on Homecoming since Kara's on Homecoming court. She was like "Why don't you just get a billboard, Catie?!?". I mean, god forbid any of her friends find out and she doesn't get invited to those luncheons anymore! Jeez. I got so upset. I was so excited to escort her, and my mom says I can't do it the day before it happens. Whata whore.
---
Okay. Now it's Friday. I told you I wouldn't finish this entry.
Today was good for the most part. School was good, after school was very good, and the football game was not good. Street Meet afterwards was nice though. I liked everyone I was with.
School was good because I really didn't do anything. Then after school was good because I spent it with Kara and Blake, who my mom is letting me drive with again. The football game was bad because I started thinking about my mom and my old friends right in the middle of it. I didn't get to be with Kara much because she was doing homecoming stuff, so I just stood awkwardly around people I used to hang out with. I wish I stil hung out with them though. I don't really have many friends anymore.
Anyway, I was reallly looking forward to escorting Kara and being there at the game reminded me about how much of a bitch my mom can really be. I dunno, it's been showing a lot over the past couple of days. It bums me out.
Another thing that bums me out is friends. I don't have friends anymore. Even the one I had left after everything this summer isn't really there anymore. I just don't feel close to anyone but my girlfriend. I don't want to put that kinda pressure on her; that she needs to listen to me vent and whine but still be a girlfriend. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel bad. I'm so so so glad that we're that close and that I can tell her anything, but I've always had a best friend. Like, separate from who I was dating. Whatever. It's just sad. Maybe thats the way it's supposed to be, but I've always had a big group of friends. Ever since around summer or the end of school last year, everything's kind of fallen apart. The game really got me thinking about it.
I don't really care right now because the night ended on a good note. That's all I really care about. I don't like going home unhappy. I have a tonnnnn on my mind right now. My mom, Kara, today, old friends, the way I look, everything I have to do; just random stuff. I hate it.
I'm gonna end this now though. I'm over it.
<3
The past two days have been weird. They were great, and then really bad, and then good, then bad again. And this is all in the matter of a couple hours. Last night I got all upset because Kara was upset. Her and her mom haven't been getting along. Then my mom and I got into a fight because I didn't get off the phone when she told me to. When I woke up, everything just hit me again and I started crying because I just want my life to straighten out again. Some people like their lives to be exciting and different every day, and that's nice and all, but I feel like I have to much to do. Like, there's a difference between disorganized and different. I like different, not disorganized. After my grandma died, I got to school and found that I have a ton of homework and tests to make up, and grades close on Friday for the first semester. I'm pretty sure I'm failing at least 1 class. Then theres that awful musical my parents forced me to be in. It looks so dumb and I don't know any of the steps they went over when I was gone. I feel like an idiot. I feel really pressured all the time and on top of it all, my mom threw a little bitch fit about how I couldn't escort Kara on Homecoming since Kara's on Homecoming court. She was like "Why don't you just get a billboard, Catie?!?". I mean, god forbid any of her friends find out and she doesn't get invited to those luncheons anymore! Jeez. I got so upset. I was so excited to escort her, and my mom says I can't do it the day before it happens. Whata whore.
---
Okay. Now it's Friday. I told you I wouldn't finish this entry.
Today was good for the most part. School was good, after school was very good, and the football game was not good. Street Meet afterwards was nice though. I liked everyone I was with.
School was good because I really didn't do anything. Then after school was good because I spent it with Kara and Blake, who my mom is letting me drive with again. The football game was bad because I started thinking about my mom and my old friends right in the middle of it. I didn't get to be with Kara much because she was doing homecoming stuff, so I just stood awkwardly around people I used to hang out with. I wish I stil hung out with them though. I don't really have many friends anymore.
Anyway, I was reallly looking forward to escorting Kara and being there at the game reminded me about how much of a bitch my mom can really be. I dunno, it's been showing a lot over the past couple of days. It bums me out.
Another thing that bums me out is friends. I don't have friends anymore. Even the one I had left after everything this summer isn't really there anymore. I just don't feel close to anyone but my girlfriend. I don't want to put that kinda pressure on her; that she needs to listen to me vent and whine but still be a girlfriend. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel bad. I'm so so so glad that we're that close and that I can tell her anything, but I've always had a best friend. Like, separate from who I was dating. Whatever. It's just sad. Maybe thats the way it's supposed to be, but I've always had a big group of friends. Ever since around summer or the end of school last year, everything's kind of fallen apart. The game really got me thinking about it.
I don't really care right now because the night ended on a good note. That's all I really care about. I don't like going home unhappy. I have a tonnnnn on my mind right now. My mom, Kara, today, old friends, the way I look, everything I have to do; just random stuff. I hate it.
I'm gonna end this now though. I'm over it.
<3
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Hey girl, you've got a smart way about you that makes me wish that I was smart enough for you.
Gosh almighty, it's been a long time since I've posted anything on here. Right now it's 8:23am on Saturday, and I'm supposed to be getting ready for a soccer game. I'm really tired. I didn't get to bed until 11 last night because my best friend didn't drop me off until 10:15.
Yesterday was really interesting. Actually, this whole last week was interesting. It was amazing though, and I'm so glad things are good again. I was grounded last weekend and the weekend before, so I told myself that I wouldn't be again. So, now I'm not.
Monday was okay, I don't really remember if anything exciting happened. Tuesday after school, I went to Kara's house, and we hung out there. That's always fun. Wednesday I was supposed to have a soccer game but I was really tired, so my mom let me skip. That was nice because she doesn't let me do that much. I don't know, it just kinda shows that she trusts me again, which I really really want.
Thursday after school, I went to Kara's house again. I usually go over there when my mom can't pick me up after play practice because Kara lives so close to the school. Thursday was different then Tuesday, and I liked it better. We talked and joked around a lot which I love doing. She's one of the only people on this planet that I can laugh with for real. I don't know if that makes sense, but she understands my weird sense of humor, and I don't feel like I'm faking it when I'm laughing with her. Like, sometimes I laugh at people to be polite, but not with Kara. She's hilarious and I love it.
Yesterday was the best day of them all. After play practice, Kara and I got picked up by Cody and Alex. They're amazing and so much fun to hang out with, I just feel bad because I started feeling really sick in the middle of it. I slept in the car for a majority of the time, haha. It was so weird. It felt like I had a fever and I was all clammy and sweaty, but after I slept for a while, I was okay. Cody had to be home, so he dropped Kara and I off at Kara's house. We hung out there for a while with her mom, but then we walked to a playground near the school. That was fun. We just talked and walked and argued about who loved each other more. I know that sounds really stupid and annoying, but it's the sweetest thing when she does that. She's still wrong though; she'll never love me more then I love her :)
So, my mom picked me up around 8 and when I got home, my mom and I went to a prayer party at a nun's house! That's right. We didn't stay for long because we were only there to pick up my little sister and her friend. But still, I was inside a nun's house, and it was strangely normal looking.
The nun's live right down the street from me, so as we were there Melanie sped by to pick me up at my house. I ran down the street, and from there Melanie, Davis, Anna, and I went to Mi Tierras for dinner. That was a lot of fun, but Davis kept causing problems. He got sour cream and silly string in Anna's hair, and he was screaming in a high-pitched voice the whole time. I guess that's just Davis though, and he's a pretty interesting kid to hang out with. I have a bruise-scar thing on my hip because he went up and bit it when he was tying his shoe in Wal-Mart. It hurt sooo bad and I was really angry with him.
Today I have that soccer game and my mom's making me do my homework when I get home before I do anything. I hope I can hang out with Melanie and Kara today since it's my first time not being grounded in 3 weeks. I'm definitely digging this weekend so far, so I hope it's a good one :D
I'm so glad that something like friends can cheer me up like this. I was feeling so shitty a while ago, but being ungrounded and having a good time with my friends has done so much. It just really makes me appreciate that they're in my life.
My great-grandma died yesterday morning, so I'm not going to be here Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday for the funeral.
I'm pretty upset because she's the 2nd person that's died and I've actually known and been with for a significant amount of time. It's not like your random uncle you've never met, even though that sounds mean. At least she's not sick anymore, I guess.
I'll probably write when I get back :)
Yesterday was really interesting. Actually, this whole last week was interesting. It was amazing though, and I'm so glad things are good again. I was grounded last weekend and the weekend before, so I told myself that I wouldn't be again. So, now I'm not.
Monday was okay, I don't really remember if anything exciting happened. Tuesday after school, I went to Kara's house, and we hung out there. That's always fun. Wednesday I was supposed to have a soccer game but I was really tired, so my mom let me skip. That was nice because she doesn't let me do that much. I don't know, it just kinda shows that she trusts me again, which I really really want.
Thursday after school, I went to Kara's house again. I usually go over there when my mom can't pick me up after play practice because Kara lives so close to the school. Thursday was different then Tuesday, and I liked it better. We talked and joked around a lot which I love doing. She's one of the only people on this planet that I can laugh with for real. I don't know if that makes sense, but she understands my weird sense of humor, and I don't feel like I'm faking it when I'm laughing with her. Like, sometimes I laugh at people to be polite, but not with Kara. She's hilarious and I love it.
Yesterday was the best day of them all. After play practice, Kara and I got picked up by Cody and Alex. They're amazing and so much fun to hang out with, I just feel bad because I started feeling really sick in the middle of it. I slept in the car for a majority of the time, haha. It was so weird. It felt like I had a fever and I was all clammy and sweaty, but after I slept for a while, I was okay. Cody had to be home, so he dropped Kara and I off at Kara's house. We hung out there for a while with her mom, but then we walked to a playground near the school. That was fun. We just talked and walked and argued about who loved each other more. I know that sounds really stupid and annoying, but it's the sweetest thing when she does that. She's still wrong though; she'll never love me more then I love her :)
So, my mom picked me up around 8 and when I got home, my mom and I went to a prayer party at a nun's house! That's right. We didn't stay for long because we were only there to pick up my little sister and her friend. But still, I was inside a nun's house, and it was strangely normal looking.
The nun's live right down the street from me, so as we were there Melanie sped by to pick me up at my house. I ran down the street, and from there Melanie, Davis, Anna, and I went to Mi Tierras for dinner. That was a lot of fun, but Davis kept causing problems. He got sour cream and silly string in Anna's hair, and he was screaming in a high-pitched voice the whole time. I guess that's just Davis though, and he's a pretty interesting kid to hang out with. I have a bruise-scar thing on my hip because he went up and bit it when he was tying his shoe in Wal-Mart. It hurt sooo bad and I was really angry with him.
Today I have that soccer game and my mom's making me do my homework when I get home before I do anything. I hope I can hang out with Melanie and Kara today since it's my first time not being grounded in 3 weeks. I'm definitely digging this weekend so far, so I hope it's a good one :D
I'm so glad that something like friends can cheer me up like this. I was feeling so shitty a while ago, but being ungrounded and having a good time with my friends has done so much. It just really makes me appreciate that they're in my life.
My great-grandma died yesterday morning, so I'm not going to be here Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday for the funeral.
I'm pretty upset because she's the 2nd person that's died and I've actually known and been with for a significant amount of time. It's not like your random uncle you've never met, even though that sounds mean. At least she's not sick anymore, I guess.
I'll probably write when I get back :)
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