And if this is heaven, I'm gonna give hell.

So, my mom just came in and caught me on Facebook IM. She yelled at me like she did when I was 12 and she found my Myspace. She said that come Sept. 3rd (my 18th birthday), she's making me pay to use the computer. She said it completely seriously. In 12 hours We're going for her birthday to go and watch a couple of fucking horses run around in circles. It takes about 20 seconds but we're leaving 2 days early. We're going to be gone for 4. I'm missing my girlfriend and I's first prom together, Relay for Life, 4 tests in school, American Pie, and all the other fun things my friends are doing.
I haven't felt this low in such a long time. I hate the fact that this is happening. I don't want to fucking go. After all the shit she's put me through. When we get back, I'm not her kid anymore. Not if she's going to call me a failure, get my dad to yell at me, make me pay for the internet, make me HATE my life. No.

I don't want to leave. I want to see Kara again before I go, but she's home. I want a lot of stuff.

I need to go pack.

Some people need to learn who to trust, and that the rumor wasn't started by who they think it was.

Alright, Bye.

Take the map and point to anywhere.

I haven't updated this in a long, long time. Spring Break has come and passed. It was great. I loved it. My grandparents loved Kara, like I knew they would, and I had an amazing time hanging with her by ourselves for 5 days. The things I likes most were the little things. Like being able to sleep with Kara every night (not sexually) as long as the door was open. And taking a bike ride. And watching her play video games. And discovering Samoa ice cream and Amy's veggie pocket things. Annddd Kara letting me shove a camera in her face every time the light caught her perfectly, and I wanted to take a picture of her. She's the perfect subject. She's the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Anyway, it was all very nice. I wish it lasted longer, but it was great none the less.

Sometimes I wish I could talk to my mom the way I do in my mind. It seems like things have gotten really tough with her lately. I doubt it's just me though. I want to ask her Why do you walk through the house from your room to the kitchen to upstairs, and get everyone pissed off at you? Does your throat ever get sore from the shrill, screaming tone you have it in all the time? Do you ever stop to think that maybe you're a Narcissist? How does it feel that my day is ruined by you constantly? I spend 100% of my time trying to get away from you. How does that feel? Arg. Moms.

I like the weekends. I've been sick and kinda bummed all week, so I've been praying for a good weekend to lift my spirits. And this one started off nice. I don't know what I was sick with but I felt like I could die. No joke. It was hell and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. After sleeping on my desk all 1st block, sleeping in the nurse 2nd block, sleeping with my arms propping me up 3rd block, and trying to sleep on Kara 4th block, I finially started feeling better a little after school. It's a relief. Tomorrow Kara, Alex, my little sister and I are going to the Humane Society. I'm really excited.

Not too much else has been happening lately, so I think I'm going to end this for now. I'll try to come up with something interesting to write about for next time.
<3

I can't wait

to get the hell out of here.
I'm leaving for Kiawah tomorrow afternoon,
and I'm so excited :)

'Cause, I'm on the brink of something beautiful and I want to sing about it, but I don't know where to begin.

I'm basically home alone right now because it's 12 midnight and my dad's sleeping. He didn't answer when I rang the doorbell twice, so I had to creep around the side of my house like a crazy person. I hammed it up though because I figured I would only do that a handful of times in my life. I jumped off the front porch and pause for a second, holding my purse close, and then began to tip-toe/creep/shuffle sideways in the dark to my garage. When I got to the little keypad security thing, I looked up then down, then from side to side before entering the top-secret code. I didn't even wait for the door to go up all the way. I crept under it stealthily and ran inside. It was epic.

The song "Summertime" by Mae makes me feel really nostalgic for some reason. Well, it reminds me of summer time. It goes:
"We could ride, we could ride.
Take my hand and watch the world go by.
Laugh or cry, well we need to try, get off the line, time to fly.
Oh, the summertime.

Go on ahead and let it fade away.
No looking back you know the past will stay.
It's you and me, we could get out of here.
Jump in and go and we could drive for years.
We could feel alive...

Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a falling star.
Stop the car.
Waiting, nothing but our beating hearts, going far.
Oh, the summertime.

So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen, blue and green.
Oh, the summertime."

Quite possibly my most favorite lyrics ever. I want summer to get here ASAP, but I'm alright because Spring Break is in 5 days. I'm really, really, REALLY excited. The break from school and this island is going to be perfect. And I get to bring my super amazing girlfriend along with me. I'm pretty sure that's the best part.

This weekend has been great so far. The perfect weekend. I couldn't design a better one. My mom is gone and my dad is totally chill. We saw a movie together today, just me and my dad, and the movie was awful. But we just cracked jokes the whole time. I really liked it.
The weather has managed to clear up these last two days too. I wish it would stay like this forever, but it's supposed to rain tomorrow and Monday.

I'm gonna go call Kara and make sure she's not dead.
Oh &
Gay marriage is now legal in Iowa. Hm. I've heard Iowa is nice...