I'm gonna start this entry now, but I don't think I'm gonna finish it. I have homework to do and I want to talk on the phone with Kara tonight. Today is our 9 month anniversary! I don't think anyone realizes how much I love this girl. I know I talk about it all the time, so I won't talk about it too much more. I'm just so glad we've made it this far, but it's not like it's that big of a challenge. She's the greatest and I love her :)
The past two days have been weird. They were great, and then really bad, and then good, then bad again. And this is all in the matter of a couple hours. Last night I got all upset because Kara was upset. Her and her mom haven't been getting along. Then my mom and I got into a fight because I didn't get off the phone when she told me to. When I woke up, everything just hit me again and I started crying because I just want my life to straighten out again. Some people like their lives to be exciting and different every day, and that's nice and all, but I feel like I have to much to do. Like, there's a difference between disorganized and different. I like different, not disorganized. After my grandma died, I got to school and found that I have a ton of homework and tests to make up, and grades close on Friday for the first semester. I'm pretty sure I'm failing at least 1 class. Then theres that awful musical my parents forced me to be in. It looks so dumb and I don't know any of the steps they went over when I was gone. I feel like an idiot. I feel really pressured all the time and on top of it all, my mom threw a little bitch fit about how I couldn't escort Kara on Homecoming since Kara's on Homecoming court. She was like "Why don't you just get a billboard, Catie?!?". I mean, god forbid any of her friends find out and she doesn't get invited to those luncheons anymore! Jeez. I got so upset. I was so excited to escort her, and my mom says I can't do it the day before it happens. Whata whore.
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Okay. Now it's Friday. I told you I wouldn't finish this entry.
Today was good for the most part. School was good, after school was very good, and the football game was not good. Street Meet afterwards was nice though. I liked everyone I was with.
School was good because I really didn't do anything. Then after school was good because I spent it with Kara and Blake, who my mom is letting me drive with again. The football game was bad because I started thinking about my mom and my old friends right in the middle of it. I didn't get to be with Kara much because she was doing homecoming stuff, so I just stood awkwardly around people I used to hang out with. I wish I stil hung out with them though. I don't really have many friends anymore.
Anyway, I was reallly looking forward to escorting Kara and being there at the game reminded me about how much of a bitch my mom can really be. I dunno, it's been showing a lot over the past couple of days. It bums me out.
Another thing that bums me out is friends. I don't have friends anymore. Even the one I had left after everything this summer isn't really there anymore. I just don't feel close to anyone but my girlfriend. I don't want to put that kinda pressure on her; that she needs to listen to me vent and whine but still be a girlfriend. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel bad. I'm so so so glad that we're that close and that I can tell her anything, but I've always had a best friend. Like, separate from who I was dating. Whatever. It's just sad. Maybe thats the way it's supposed to be, but I've always had a big group of friends. Ever since around summer or the end of school last year, everything's kind of fallen apart. The game really got me thinking about it.
I don't really care right now because the night ended on a good note. That's all I really care about. I don't like going home unhappy. I have a tonnnnn on my mind right now. My mom, Kara, today, old friends, the way I look, everything I have to do; just random stuff. I hate it.
I'm gonna end this now though. I'm over it.
<3
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