Waste all your time with me, I know I'm a mess right now.

I'm a very emotional person, everyone knows that. If you're going to think I'm writing this junk for attention or that I'm just a little girl who doesn't know how good she has it, stop reading right now. I really don't care what you think. I really don't know why I insist on sharing my feelings with the whole internet world, but I do. I don't want to talk to my mom or my girlfriend, my best friend, or my therapist about it. I just want to get it out.
I hate how my life is so up and down. One day, I love my life. Everything's perfect and nothing could go wrong. Other days make me want to die. Today was the perfect example. It started off as one of the best days I've had in a while, but it ended as the worst. Apparently I'm now grounded for the rest of the entire summer. I feel like shit right now, and I don't care about anything. Most of the time, I have the bad days. Especially recently; it's been unbearable.
I don't know if I've explained this already, but I think a lot. I'm always thinking too much about situations or my friends. Or things that my friends have done, and I've gotten too wrapped up in. It's a constant thing.
Lately, the bad days just keep coming. Even if I'm not grounded for the whole rest of the summer, theres definitely one person she's made it very clear I'm not to hang out with. Yeah, the one person I need the most. My mom's so mad at that situation, she'll do anything she can to keep me away from her, and it kills me.
My mom hates most of my friends though, and the ones she likes, hate me. It's so frustrating. There are so many things about my life that make me want to cry and scream and throw stuff, but I don't. And honestly, the only reason I could never kill myself is because then people would be left alone to talk about me freely. I'm so afraid of that, because I know theres a lot of stuff I've done wrong. Like right now, people are probably reading this like "wtf? freak". I know that statement doesn't really go along with everything else I've been saying, but it's true.
I just hate how fucking unhappy I am right now, and everything that's been happening lately. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't feel like talking on the phone; I know theres only one person who actually, truly cares. I don't want to eat or watch T.V; I'm too chubby and lazy. I just want to sleep so I don't have to feel anything.
So, goodnight. I think this is going to be the last one for a while.