I miss you.

"To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you"

Ahh, I hate Incubus. This song was on my Windows Media Player and it made me cry :(
SKJGF;SDLJGFLKSDFAMSKMFASDF

My mom just got done lecturing me about how my life is a waste. This is the second time she's used that wording with me, and it gets me really upset. Like, how is my life a waste? Her saying that means that if I died no one would care. I don't make an impression on anybody. And the worst part is, it makes me think. What if that's true. I have Kara and Melanie. What else have I done? I don't do anything. I don't have this overflowing social life where people are just waiting to hang out with me. And my grades are terrible. And I don't do any clubs or sports. Maybe I could die and only 2 people would really be affected by it. I don't want to die because I love my life, I just wish I could live it in peace. It's Winter Break, so I thought school stuff wouldn't be talked about. But no, my girlfriend's away and my mom is bugging the shit out of me, so this is the worst I've felt in a long time.
The next 10 days are gonna be the longest ever. I'm dreading it, but I know things will be better when she gets back. I feel bad because maybe I put too much pressure on her or I get overly dependent on her, but she makes me so happy. I know she's the one thing that will brighten up my day, and my day really needs to be brightened up right now.

Melanie should call me soon. I want some pancakes.

I'm so iconoclastic; I'm clastic! I only want you to think I'm fantastic.

So, it's the second day of winter break. Yesterday was Friday and the first day of break. Kara's in California and it sucks. She's visiting her dad and step-family, but I got to talk to her a little today on the phone. I miss her like crazy.

So Thursday after school was nice. My mom picked me up and I ran a few errands with her. At 5:30 though, I met up with Melanie and we chilled with Garrett Burke. We got some pizza from Mellow Mushroom and went shopping afterwards. We had to get outfits for our friend Lindsey's party that was yesterday. Anyway, that was fun because Melanie tried on shiny orange pants and stuff, and we both got cute things. I don't think Garrett likes shopping very much though.
After shopping, we dropped Garrett off and went back to Melanies. There I spent the night, which was cool. When we woke up, I talked to Kara a little bit on the phone, but then we decided to go to Arby's. We didn't actually go to Arby's though. We went to Panera Bread. It was yummy. I got soup.
We had to be home by 4 to get home for the party. So we got all ready and went to pick up Desirée and Anna. That was so fun, we got to scream Jonas Brothers songs and get lost on Bluffton Parkway. When we finally got to the party, not a lot of people were there, but lots showed up after a while. There was lots of dancing and food and stuff, and I had a lot of fun. My feet are killing me though and I smelled like cigarettes :/ It's disgusting.

I miss Kara a lot. It's harder then I thought it would be. I feel stupid because it's only the 3rd day, but she's gone for 12 days and these days have dragged on for what seems like forever. I've been wanting a good, solid Kara hug for the past 72 hours and I won't be able to get one for the next 249. It's stupid. I don't think I've ever wanted a hug this bad in my life.
I guess I should go. I need to shower. My mom dragged me to this Christmas party out in the middle of nowhere and I smell like 15 wet dogs because the lady we visited had 15 wet dogs. Ewww, urg.
This was a short one. I'll write more later.

Lullabies, look in your eyes, run around the same old town.

Well, it's been a really long time since I've blogged. So much has happened. I got back from New York a week ago, but it seems like it's been months. The Sunday I got back, Kara and Melanie were planning to take me out to dinner but my parents said "no" and it was this whole big thing. It was disappointing because I had missed those girls all week, but I still got to spend Monday after school with them. That was fun. We went to Kroger to grocery shop. It was definitely more exciting then it sounds.
Tuesday was the worst day ever. I got grounded for an e-mail my Chemistry teacher sent to my parents. I guess I got a 42 on the last test. The class average on the test was a 50 though, so I used that as a bargaining chip to go out this weekend. I'm so so glad my parents let me, because yesterday was really fun. I spent the night at Melanie's on Friday because my mom had her entire Girl Scout troop spend the night. There was no way I was staying there with a ton of little 12 year olds screaming through my house.
Anyway, I went to Melanie's and we made spaghetti. It was undercooked but it's all good. We also watched The Clique, which is a terrible movie about a bunch of spoiled 7th graders. I liked it. When we woke up in the morning, my mom wanted me to come home, shower, and "check in" before I went out for the day. It was kinda pointless, but it only took an hour or so before I was out of the house again. From there, Melanie and I picked up Kara and we went to Main Street. My mom wanted me to stop by there because I guess this artist lady was going portraits for $50 at some studio. We waited around there for about an hour for her to get it done. That was the lamest part of the day.
After that we made our way to Bluffton to pick up our friend Aaron. He wanted to try these wings he heard about at this restaurant out in Beaufort. Apparently there so hot, you have to sign a waver just to get them. It took almost an hour to get there and we didn't even get the hot wings. We got to the place, and it took forever to get served, and it seems like they kept giving us excuses on why we couldn't get them. So we didn't. We just got french fries and this lemon thing and left for the island again.
After we dropped off Aaron, we went to Mr. Garrett Burke's house to pick him up. Oh, he is too much fun. We picked up his adorable girlfriend Anna too, and we went to Giuseppe's for dinner. We ate pizza and stuff, but didn't really know what to do afterwards. We decided on going to T-J Max and trying on ridiculous outfits. That was a ton of fun. Kara and Garrett didn't join us though because they're party poopers.
After that, we went to Melanie's house. There, we played hide and seek and Wii, and I got to cuddle with Kara on Melanie's couch. Gage came over after a while, which was cool. I had to leave at 10:30, and by then everyone else had gone home too. When Melanie got back from driving Kara home, she came over and spent the night. We watched Lords of Dogtown and Degrassi, and ate Scooby Doo Mac n'Cheese.
It was a fun time and I'm so glad my parents let me out of the house. Oh, and I got my braces off on Wednesday :) I'm so happy. I'm just happy in general. I don't want to get grounded ever again. I seriously need to buckle down with my schoolwork.

For now though, I just love my friends. I think this next week should be really good.
Knock on wood.
Christmas is in 18 days, but Kara is leaving before that. I'm gonna miss her, but after she get's back,
neither of us should be going anywhere for a while. I hate missing her when one of us leaves for vacation. We'll always be here for each other though, I know that.
I want an I-pod and a trampoline for Christmas.

And my family's having a party on Christmas Eve. Anyone's invited. I'm sure it will be like last year, but I just hope Melanie's dad doesn't have sex on my bathroom counter again.

I'm gonna go eat :) <3

Would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free?

Today is Monday and tomorrow I'm getting on a plane and flying up north for Thanksgiving. I'm not dreading like I have with other vacations but I'm going to miss my girlfriend so so much. I hate even having to think about it. I got to see her for 2 hours after school let out today, but I'm not sure how to feel after it's all over and I'm not going to see her for 5 days. It's really awful leaving someone you're in love with for a long time. I'm just counting down the days until I can see her, and I can't wait to maybe meet her grandpa. I'm going to Corning again where our families grew up. It's nice up there and it's going to be snowing. I just wish I could take her with me. She's the best.

Friday was good. I met with Kara after school, and Alex took us to rent movies at Blockbuster. We got 28 Weeks Later and Garden State, both good movies. Satuday was okay. I cried in front of Kara because my mom was being a bitch, like usual. I spent the day with her though, which I always love doing. It ended on a bad note because I struggled with some things I haven't thought about in a really long time, and I really thought things couldn't get any worse. They definitely didn't though. I feel so stupid thinking the way I did that night. It was terrible.
Sunday is really only day worth mentioning, because it's the only time that stands out in my mind as being amazing. From start to finish, it was great. I woke up early and got ready for I-Hop with Kara and Alex. I thought when I left that eating and going home would be all I was doing, but I was pleasantly suprised to be wrong. Cody met us at I-Hop and sucked up our leftovers. I had chocolate chip pancakes, but barely finished them because they were so sweet. Then Kara, Alex, and I went to the Humane Society to waste some time before I went home. That was the third part of my day. We played with cats and dogs, even though Kara has an allergic reaction to the cats. Theres this Jack Russel Terrier mix named Benson I really want to adopt, but my mom claims my dog Charlie fights with other dogs too much. I don't think that's true. Anyway, that was really nice. We plan on going again sometime.
Next we went to my house. Theres never anything to do there so we boiled some water, made some hot coca, and parked in an empty lot near the ocean in my neighborhood. Security told us to leave but that was okay, because that made us move on to my favorite part of the weekend. We decided to go to the neighborhood dock to chill. Cody popped up and came with us, and it was really nice. It was cold but the sun was out and we all had blankets. It was nice to just lay there in the sun with my best friends (minus one). I was truly happy and I never wanted to go home.
Sadly, we all had to go our seperate ways after a while. I was okay with it though because that day was so great. My mom didn't even yell at me when I got home. I just had a really really good day.

I need to get off the computer soon and pack. I'm sorry for my best friend that she had to learn the hard way that some guys are big assholes, At least she's saved some money, because she doesn't need to buy a Christmas present for him.

I'm out.

The starlight above my hometown ain't as bright as the star I've found, every drawing that I drew was never as cute as you.

This week didn't really end on a good note, but I don't want to forget how much fun I had the past 7 days. Monday was just a Monday. Nothing happened at all. Tuesday we didn't have school, so Kara came over to my house kinda early, and we hung around and stuff. The rest of the week was fun, but doesn't really need to be described in a lot of detail.
Friday kinda stunk though.
Friday, Melanie picked me up from school and we went to Barnes and Noble with Garrett Burke and Gage. It was a fun time, especially because Kara, Blake, Terry, and Hannah showed up. It was a little uncomfortable though because 2 of those people weren't really talking, but when one left it was okay again. It was okay until my mom called, that is. She was like "I'll be there in 5 minutes, come and talk to me", and I kept asking her if I was in trouble and it turns out I was. My mom e-mails my teachers every week to monitor my progress, and she got a bad report from my crazy Chemistry teacher again. Apparently I have 4 out of 8 assignments in for the whole semester...? I know that's not true. Everyone in the school knows that my teacher is a nut and lies about everything, it just sucks when my parents believe her over me. Anyway, she allowed me until 6:30 to hang out with everyone, then she was picking me up and I was grounded for the rest of the weekend. I realize now that she was really nice to do that, because I had a really good time after she left. We left B&N after talking with a few random people who work/used to work there, and rode around in Blake's car. We went to Ritters to see if Cody was working, but he wasn't. SO we just sat in the parking lot with the seats down, staring at Blake's roof. It was more fun then you'd think.
We called Alex after that, and we learned that Cody was at the bank to get money for his new VW BUS! That sounded exciting, so we left to go there. Kara and I rode the whole way with the seat still down and it was super fun. I'm going to insist to ride like that every time I'm in Blake's car. Anyway, we found Cody and told him we'd meet him in Allenwood.
Allenwood was fun even though Cody was upset his dad didn't want him to get the bus or something. When he was upstairs pouting, Alex, Kara, Blake, and I went to the pool. We obviously didn't go in the pool because it was cold, but we chilled in the chaise lounges around it. A storm was coming in so it was windy and dark, but I liked the atmosphere. I know that's weird but it was cool just sitting there and talking.
We went back to Cody's house and chilled there. My friends and I do a lot of "chilling". It's nice though, I love my friends.
My mom picked me up around 7 and my sister, my mom, and I went to Yummy House. Blake, Cody, and Alex just "happened" to show up there after a while, and they ate at the table next to us.
Saturday was my first official day of grounding and it sucked. I had my last soccer game in the morning, so I woke up around 8. I was awake for 19 hours on Saturday and it was one of the longest days I've had in a while. But not in a good way. Time just draggedddddddd on forever. Kara and Blake stopped by my house to pick up a movie I borrowed from Blake, but it wasn't really necessary that he got it. I think they were just being nice and giving me a second of happiness during my terrible day.
Today is Sunday and it's Kara and I's 10 month anniversary. Things just keep getting better and better with her, and I'm so happy right now at this moment just thinking about it. I wish I could've seen her today, but I tried my absolute hardest to convince my mom to hang out with her. It didn't work but that just makes me more excited for the make-up anniversary we're having. She got me a Jimi Hendrix record which I hung on my wall, and I got her something that I can't put on here because she might read it before I give them to her.

It's 4:23pm and I'm counting down the hours until I can fall asleep and get to see her at school tomorrow. This weekend was stupid but like I said before, I shouldn't let it occupy my mind for too long. It kinda overshadows the good time I had the rest of the week, which stinks. I'm not letting myself get grounded next week, you can count on it. Ms. Swilley won't get the best of me. Stupid Chemistry-teaching, Texas loving, scarf wearing, dog obsessed BITCH.
Meh.

I'm gonna go make myself something to eat. I only had one meal yesterday for the first time in weeks. My stomach growled all day but I think now that soccer's over, I should change my eating habits back to the way they were.
No one cares about that though.

Bye! :)

You say that we're all tied up and wrapped around in useless states of mind, but at the same time we're still young.

It's been exactly a week since I wrote a blog. The past 2 weeks, with Halloween break and everything, have been really cool. I hope things stay the way they are for a while. I've really been enjoying it. We had Tuesday off for Election Day, which I worked from 6 until 3 as a poll worker. After that, I went to Kara's and we chilled.
School was blah for the rest of the week, but Friday I went to Kara's after school, the Haley Powell picked us up and took us to B&N. There we met up with Alex, Cody, Blake, and Terry. I love those guys. I always have an fun time when I'm with them. I think I say that too much though, so I won't go into details.
Anyway, we found ourselves at Yummy House after random little adventures at Barnes and Noble, Walgreens, and Publix. I got really good egg noodle soup even though I had to eat it with a fork. After that I called Melanie, my BFF, and we met with her at the gas station. To waste time for Haley to pick up some stuff at her house, Melanie, Terry, Kara, and I went to a sex shop, which was really interesting. The front of it is a thrift/weave store, and the back, behind sparkly wall hangings, is the sex part. I didn't have the heart to lie about my age to get into the "adults only" section. Plus, I was kinda afraid of what I would see.
After a series of unfortunate events, we went back to B&N for the second time that day. It was fun until Mel's dad called and started freaking out on her for not being home. I left with her then, and we had a fun little sleepover.
Saturday I had to wake up around 8 to go to a soccer game in Beaufort, which we won. Afterwards I went to Melanie's painting party! It was so much fun. Aaron, Van, Haley, and Kara were all there, and Garrett and Gage left before I arrived. It was messy and didn't turn out so well, but it was a lot of fun. I hope we can all get together again. After the painting was finished, all the girls jumped in the hot tub with all our clothes on. Then we dried off and Kara and I walked to my house. There we watched Baby Mama and ate pancakes. That day was fun.
Todayyyyy I had another soccer game, but Kara came along to this one. It was weird having her there, but hanging out with her and my family after the game wasn't as bad as I thought.
We have Tuesday off for the second week in a row which is really cool. I don't know what's happening but I seriously don't want to stay home.

It seems that lately most of my friend's relationships are falling apart. Not just friend relationships, but boyfriends and girlfriends too. It makes me sad, but I'm secure enough with everything in my life that it won't happen to me. It just upsets me that my friends have to go through it. It makes me appreciate my relationships and I'm realizing how lucky I am. I hope everything works out for them and that they realize, whether they think so or not, that everything is for the best. I just don't like it when one person is somewhere talking shit about the other, but they're still pretending like each other. That's happening right now with 3 people I know. Only one is talking shit about the other two though. It makes me sick.

I was reading blogs the other day, and this girl was blogging the number of hours she's gone without eating and how many sit-ups she did that day. I used to do that. I'm glad I don't anymore.

When I get my own apartment, I want a room like this:


I guess that's all for now. I need to get off the computer. My butt hurts :/
<3

My words are slurring but I won't stop singing.

This break had a lot of firsts. First time I've seen a Saw movie, first time I saw Sex and the City, first time I didn't dress up for Halloween, first time I've ever seen a naked mole rat; but those are all silly little things. I threw up twice I drank so much on Friday, and I've never done that. Apparently I couldn't stand and kept hitting my face on things. I've never drank that much before. It was terrible. I was throwing up and making a fool of myself, and I feel really embarrassed. I know I can't take back what happened, but I don't want to be thought of like that. There were a few people I had a reputation with and I'm upset they saw me in that way. Especially Kara. I guess I got her upset a few times because I would slap her and be rude to her, but I don't even remember. I can't remember most of the night. I just hope I didn't do any permanent damage. She told me she didn't care, but I don't want it to be in the back of her mind when she thinks of it. I've never been like that ever, so I don't know. I hope the pictures taken don't end up on the internet, haha.
So needless to say, yesterday morning I had my first hangover. I loved yesterday though. I woke up next to my girlfriend and I was super happy. Alex, Cody, Kara, and I went to I-Hop and hung around the rest of the day until I went home.

According to my crazy mom, Kara's mom thinks we're obsessed with each other. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say how I feel, but I hope I don't come off the wrong way. Before Kara met me, from what I could tell, she was unhappy and did drugs and never got along with her mom. I'd like to think that the reason she's happy now is because of me. That's what she tells me, and I know I wake up every morning happy to be alive because she's with me. Anyway, why would her mom think that? She obviously doesn't realize the change in Kara's mood these past 9+ months. I keep her out of trouble and I've been nothing but nice to her. Now, Kara's mom isn't going as far as my mom is. My mom's going to "restrict" our time together because apparently it's too much. That makes me so angry. If she wasn't such a bitch all the time then maybe I'd like to spend time with her. I love Kara so much and we never have a bad time when we're together, so it's pretty obvious why I'd spend every day I can with her. It's not really that much if you think about it. With school and soccer and Footloose and everything, compared to other couples; we don't hang out that much. It just upsets me that no one looks at the bright side of things anymore. Our moms have to have a problem with us, but they don't realize how greatly we balance each other out.
I'm not going to listen if my mom says we can't talk on the phone or see other as much. She doesn't know what she's talking about in that department. She doesn't even like my dad.

School starts tomorrow. Meh. We get Tuesday off for Election Day though, which is cool. I get to work as a poll worker for 7 hours, earning $120. I think I'm supporting McCain for president. The more I learn about Barack Obama, the more I think he's a liar and won't be able to do most of what he promises for this country. I think it'll be really funny when our country gets run into the ground because of him, and all these kids who supported him because he's black or good looking or whatever are stunned.
Who knows, maybe that won't happen. Hopefully that won't happen, but whatever. I'm just going to worry about today.
I'm getting off the computer. I'm supposed to do some cleaning before I can see a movie today. Oh joy.